Welcome And New Faces

SPEAKER_00 0:04

What's going on, Hango fam? Welcome to another episode of the Hangout Podcast. I hope you're enjoying season two so far. I know we've gotten into a lot of deep conversations, but this one is going to be really personal. We're welcome two new nephews to the table. So we're going to introduce them today in this episode and really look at this journey into new fatherhood, building a new family, coming into a new family, and all of the dangers that entails. Let them introduce themselves in a second. This is Nigel. This is great. They're joining our family, and it has been a pleasure getting to know these two young men, and we want you to get to know them as well. So welcome to episode three. So my beat today, the journey ahead. Are you an uncle yet? I'm not an uncle. You're not an uncle yet. So we'll open it up. What kind of nephew are you? Um the wild country nephew. Yeah. Get into the clip nephew. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'd say I'm the uh quiet nephew when that's the out the way nephew. Um yeah, I don't really uh I don't really be like leads. Okay. Okay. So as we get into this conversation, you know, we want you guys to share your experience, uh, especially with coming into the family and giving us some new perspective about how has that journey been for you all. Uh, I'm sure we're gonna grill you with some questions. So be prepared. Uh but yeah, it's just a conversation. So be open, honest, and and we'll get into it. So I'll start it off with the first question, or yeah, it was a question. Because it's the it's in the same stoke, but just wanted to clarify. So there's two different spirits that you're gonna say. But you met the family, only two guard join, and then you met the family abroad. So let's let's get your perspective on public. Yeah. Well, so how how has the overall transition been coming into the family? What was your initial thought coming into you say family abroad? You're saying like everybody the same family you get into the uncles, yeah, uh, the the cousins, everybody associated with the family, but your initial thoughts about the family that you actually be jerk uh joined is what I'm asking. So it's it's two parts the initial family that you joined, and then what was it like meeting the family clock? Yeah, um for me when I came in with Mariah, Uncle Mark's beautiful daughter, uh, she had to sneak me in one night. I came home for winter break, or I came to y'all's home for winter break because I'm from Eastern North Carolina. And you know, it was like, what's up? Because I first met Uncle Mark when he was giving her one of her an updated car. And I was at the time, all he didn't know was I was just a I was just a friend. Right. I was just a friend. But um the moment I came to Charlotte and met everybody, you know, it was cool. He was gearing up to, you know, house when everybody was around, and that's kind of what happened when I think it was like a took out setting. If you remember this, it was all outside. And I remember you came up to me, Uncle Stu, and broad shoulder. I said, okay, this is that okay. Um, and you had kind of like asked me, you know, the those questions, look probing, you know, what what you here for with my niece or what you here for. So Mariah, I was trying to act quiet, but y'all knew I was quiet from the moment y'all met me. So I mean, Uncle Shane, I feel like arguing is arguing. Yeah, arguable. You don't have them kind of problems. Yeah. Yeah, all right. We yell this car, like the line thread. Some of your friends broke thinking it's gonna be some of her trackmates. Oh, she thought a track mates. This y'all maybe. That's some asset questions. I'm like, well, who were you at something going on here now? Well, I got the day and I said, What was your experience? Initial experience. So I uh initially Tia's cousin, because I went to school, high school for that matter, up in uh Winston. And uh I met her mom's nephew first, and then that's that's initially how I met Tia. Meeting this guy right here was uh experience of his own because uh I mean just look at him. He's huge. And I yeah, nah, I was I was uh terrified actually. Yeah, meeting everybody else was way better than Amisha. Um but yeah and we understand, but yeah, it's a very beautiful family that uh y'all have and I love all y'all for looking meeting accepting me. That we that y'all have we get out of man, yeah. All the dogs, now a little man on the way we won't so now but he uh initially uh he was uh very intimidating, I will say. Yeah, that's his role. You slept on a month? Um yeah. Yeah. I I I learned a lot um as it relates to Guinea, because Guinea was coming in to take my first door. And that was I didn't know how to deal with that. You are meaning me. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, so um that whole experience, you know, you think you're prepared for something like that until it actually happens. And what is happening is like I'm losing my daughter, right? It's having right before your very eyes what do I do? I've always been there, I've always protected her, I've always cared for I I was everywhere, but then when you're not you feel helpless, and the only thing you can do is just go up and trying to keep as close as you can for as long as you can until you get to that point and you realize it and you drag your part, and when you come to that realization you can start to release or loosen that grip a little bit harder, and then when you're comfortable with the person, it's a while, but uh I got very comfortable yeah, and I became okay. Oh tink tank. That's the other love. That's the third one's later. I came and took your last little walk, you need a girl. That one was tough for me as well because alright, although she's the baby, she's always the one that kind of cut things on the attack for the rest of the students. And all of a sudden he called this guy. My wife would always say, he doing what? He was like, he sold in things, he's so pleasant with she was like, just watch him. So give me a quick backstory, they were on a land track of field together. Every time Rayu would shoot us in the fact, we came trying y'all to say all of we do what he worked. He was picking up her bags, taking over the shoes, making sure she was okay. And she said, the way he is, he don't need them. So took a lot in me accept, but then you know, you start paying attention a little more, you know, and I was gonna say, Yeah, this guy she she transfers, become regular one of the things I want to know, because I don't know a lot of this backstory. What did the girls tell y'all about us and about the fam? That's what I was saying. Um Right, but like you know, she is she is very uh private. We're a closed door relationship. So as far as like the fam, she would always talk about you know what pop won't go for whenever I came around. Uh etiquette, like I say, I'm the country one. So y'all city folk. Y'all ain't city folk. Y'all not city folk. No better cheese. I was just it, you know? Uncle adjusted. Would y'all say so?

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Yay, yight, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

But uh, she ain't warned about uncle still. Oh crazy. Well, yeah, Jeremy got a swollen uncle though, so I knew it was somewhere when I saw him. I said, damn. Thought it was over in the backyard. Said I ain't making it at home. That was in my house, right? I cook out with that. Okay. Yeah, T was trying to keep uh our relationship under wraps for as long as possible. What felt like at least just because I felt like she knew how her dad was. Pop. Uh and she didn't want me to be scared away by him. Yeah. You know what? I still remember the first time I met you. She sprung you on me. I didn't know nothing about you. I'm going over to the house to drop something off. And they were there. And she was like, oh yeah, Ms. Grey. Who the hell is Glace? He said, Why is Glade? He said, What is happening right now? So, but you know, but I don't know why they they kept y'all under wraps like that. Like I didn't know who you were until they go up for a track meet. Uh-huh. Who's this dude?

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Oh, that's not you.

How The Relationships Got Serious

SPEAKER_00 11:36

This is all mild manner. Yeah, you're looking at just a training. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, that's a couple ships behind us because it was for her. Yeah, she yielded to you. That's right. She went out. I mean, so um you a little bit, you you start to meet folks uh I didn't see this one first getting what I did. You realize I did it. You had a picture that heidi, this is the girl smile like a question. The girl, the girl's TR. I'm sorry. I didn't mean not to give her with his model was to T. So T and I, we had to take a break after we went off to college for some time. I went to AT, she went to UNCG of Brainsboro, and yeah, we would see each other here and there. She would hang out with her clique, I would hang out with my clique. And she would always be at ANT. I would always be at UNCG. Everybody won't be at A T. Come on, 85, they would always cross out basically sneaker over there. No, not to see her. Not to see. We worked together at this point in time. After high school, we you know went our separate ways. So you got a license. Well, you've been around since high school. Yeah, we uh we went to each other's prom, I think. Yeah. Senior, junior.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

I think I'm not gonna remember that.

Earning Respect By Being Yourself

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Because it wasn't to be remembered. It wasn't true. True. Sure. I don't really send the name. Not then. Yeah. So I let him raise to the family raw. That's crazy. Just why he is here. Now yeah, we uh uh we took we took a little break and then I ended up uh going up to Ohio to retract on scholarship, move back down to Florida where I'm originally from, and uh I was at a low point in my life, and yeah, I reached out to her, we were in contact, you know, this whole entire time, uh coming back down from Ohio to Florida. Like I said, I reached a low point in my life, and she was the one who basically brought me back up mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Um so that's when I knew. Oh my god. Um when I knew it was gonna last, or when I knew it was meant to be. When when if when you had an epiphany and it was like, hey, this is what you don't believe that won't rock, but um first day of track practice. No, quick quick story on that. I didn't even know Mariah was on a team until once in you know the team functions and school and stuff. So it got to a point where we were having class in the same building, and she liked to say I ignored her when she spoke to me. I had on my headphones, it was bright early morning and grievable. The sun was literally right behind her, and I heard somebody speak, and I looked, I looked at I looked around at everybody, and I I didn't see who said it. So I just nodded my head, kept it pushing. So from you know, and I just ignore her. And that's when the that's when the hook was out there. She was wondering. So after a while, we started talking, we started talking and dating a little bit. And how do you date on over there? Well, talking page. Yeah, thank you. Talking page. So we were we were in the midst of getting ready to date each other. Together, yes. No, we weren't together, yeah. We were together, but separate. Yes. Okay, exactly. I was still just afraid. Oh, yes. And um, we were in the talking phase for a good couple months only because I was freshly out of a relationship, my high school relationship. I brought into college. Mind you, your daughter's a catfish. Not a catfish, cougar. Sorry, wrong C-word. Sophomore, freshman me walked on campus. She said, him. I said, okay. Love her. Love her, love her to life. Um, it got to a point pretty for the next 60 years, by the way. Yeah. It got to a point where I was just like, I want to be a better person because I told her early on, um I I just won't shit. Like I wasn't, I wasn't good. And just like, don't don't dive in so soon kind of thing because I knew the kind of person I was early on. Um, but it got to a point where I wanted to be better, wanted to do better. Uh, didn't get tired of arguing with her. Kept coming back after the arguments. So it was like, okay, if this is a person that I can keep doing this with, then I can, I don't want to be with anybody else. There's no need. This is this is my person. I'm her person. Okay. Nice to my firefighter to my ice. So now fast forward. You've met the family, you're kind of getting ingrained in all of our crazy. Where where was your hand at as far as you trying to fit in with all of us? And how did you approach that? Or did you not approach it? Did you just let it happen? I approached it as I wanted to be myself, want to be as authentic as possible. Um to the point where like I gotta feel for my energy. Well, like y'all, y'all will get on me to this day if I don't come in smile and laugh, so y'all already know something wrong with me. Doesn't mean I'm the energizer bunny, so I say I say this, you what you call me that cook out? Well, you know what I mean with D but that's crazy. No, but it's the thing about it is with what you um this is kind of mark all the time. It's so lovely for me. The reason why I say that is because every time we get into something because you should go out with the land. And I hate it there about you. That's it. Whatever that is doing, just don't do that. Because he always got on the raps with his back fight. Even up to and I mean get the hell must be even up to the final, the most important thing you're like. I said there's no way. It's gonna be a middle. This is no way. Yeah, what is it? I want to resolve it. But I would say this though. Um you have armed my respect. Um, I appreciate you. I I appreciate you exactly how you are. I wouldn't want you to figure out how to see it because that I couldn't know the guy that I know right now. So for you coming in the way she did, is the perfect and only way for you to show up. Appreciate it, huh? Yeah, and came back out. Um what he showed me was his consistency. Um jumper. And I don't care what was going on when they would come visit, he would make sure he got his regularly for me out again. That says a lot about a person because he knows when he was talking to his like him, comes to my door. I know it's weird, but I sent him out. Yeah, yeah. How somebody shows up every day, yeah, says a lot about that person for sure. Yeah, that's what I appreciate it the most.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

And this is this too. That's game when came back, and after the the the break, the initial breakout, well, the time apart, whatever it was. I don't know that one. I gave you so much L. I know I did. And the very first time you came to my house, what did we do when you came to my house the first time? Uh maybe I was like a Christmas or something already. That's Christmas. And so I was going to get something to eat. Oh, yeah, we know right with it. Oh well, you like you get my words, so I wouldn't have gotten it off. But we watched it, I wouldn't ask you. I told him I said that you talk. Yeah. It said I said, Son of that. And I, you know, just basically made a play. If you just look at your site. So yeah, and all you know the stuff. So it was more to it and just that. The last you know, I and simply all the time to accept that it's fine. Um but now you are solid, man.

unknown 21:21

Yeah.

New Fatherhood And The Village

Marriage Expectations And Responsibility

Dudes Question Of The Week

SPEAKER_00 21:21

We don't because I know the one thing that I took from everything is that I know that you will go to the ends of the earth to make sure the multipart is okay. And I can't ask for no one from anybody. I don't care if he was a thousand there or a millionaire, it doesn't matter. I know that you'll do whatever it takes. So that's what gives me sorry. Show me some things. I I don't think we played that game right. Uh, we're playing game game. Why do you want you? I love. Yeah, I'm going to let us play me again. Just to watch him, I even spotted. So train out. It's leaving this house. He saw your water. Well, he fit right in. I got a little glove. Didn't eat everything. Alright, so switching gears a little bit. Now you're in the family. We're a big group. Well, voice a group. Yep. Um, as you guys are planning your lives, what what was your thought process? You know, you you're a young father, you're coming into a big family, you're starting your own family. What has uh kind of been your experience so far? Or we got somebody that's about to be a new dad. Do you have any advice being a new dad for him? Uh as y'all move forward. Vacation, definitely talk with the whole family about that uh separately or together. Y'all know uh take my time to pull everybody aside and just ask for advice um either for that moment or for the future. Out on vacation. They're just trying to tell, and here I am coming up with our problems. But he he sent me straight, uh, dug it down to where I could digest it and applied it. So even with you and Auntie, um, as far as how we handle our arguments and just knowing that we have a room full of strong personalities. Um, that was that was something to take into account because she is pop raiser, right? So it's just navigating those terrain. But yeah, I mean by being with that, no that you can reach out, even though we haven't talked in the outside of like McKay and like the functions and stuff like that. Yeah, I'm here. Just like they're sure. They got the older advice, I got the first year advice, but it all works the same. So for sure, for sure. Yeah, I I doubt. I mean, of course, sorry, child, but uh he isn't even here yet. But grandparents, aunties, uncles already talking about where you go see him. So what you want when you join the village, bro? It takes a village, and I always hear that that it takes a village. So then I don't remember though, you don't do Nazis on Saturdays. Yeah, just I mean, just more than most games. Now, is this off the rip or like this down the road? Day one. It's pretty much the house, and it's the end day but Tuesday and Saturday. Then uh y'all come get them that first Tuesday or first we'll come first. Yeah. I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad at that at all. Yeah, the same uh issues or what do you call them issues? Oh, it's not an issue. It's not an issue. They let it be known early. And at first I was like, whatever. But now it's like, okay, yeah, when they were y'all ready, I'm ready. And if y'all always ready, don't be surprised when I come up and just try to go fishing one random school. But that was good, definitely take some good. Uh don't what what do we talk about with Hayes and him falling and flying off of stuff? They're indestructible, but yeah, really right. It's gonna happen. Yeah, I don't care. Their job is to try and kill themselves. Your job is to stop. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, uh and then you go about it. I'm about to buy Hayes a four-wheeler right now. Sure. That ain't one walking gun. Time to get in movement. That's all right. Gotta bank your nail. Yes, sir. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Instruments can always be played at your house, too. Oh, that's right. No, you gotta go to line on that. Would it be advised? Yeah, you got inside of Lenny. Yeah, for sure. Let me ask this question. Um, hopefully you go to record, it means two will be getting married what two months apart? Uh Nigel will be getting married in August. Of course, what I tell him. Um what is your biggest expectation after zero? As far as the relationship. Yeah, the whole thing now that it's locked in. What is it officially? What what is your biggest expectation? My biggest expectation, I would say, uh it's taking over more so financially, I would say. But like, you know, taking care of bills and uh you know, mortgage, buying a house, getting her a new car, like we y'all talked about early, but uh yeah, things that I make it. I don't expect too much to change. Uh we kind of dove into the whole for life kind of thing. So once we actually, you know, jump the bro, she'll have my last name and I'll be solely responsible for her, as me and Pop talked about, because he told me while uh we were still in college, and once we, you know, kind of started already adulting and co-mingling kind of thing, that that's gonna be my responsibility now. And he'll help. Like he ain't gonna let it be on the street or nothing like that, but that's on me. Responsibility, yeah. That's a that's another one. That's still one. So here's, and I'm looking for y'all's perspective on this, because I'm just and I know I struggle with this. They still my babies. Tia and Mariah are still my babies, right? Even though y'all were getting married and all of that. So, how are y'all dealing with that transition? So, so honestly, because of um all the things that have transpired in terms of the way we raise our kids, um personally watching him and seeing I go like fine. Uh because that's what it's about. It is about you trying to somebody to grow and have your life, have your life with. And the person that she's chosen, from around perspective, he is, you know, he's been it very well, but he is on top of his game. So because I think the way we raised as a village, honest human no, they hey skin. Uh I think I've alluded to a little bit earlier. Just the fact that I I I couldn't get rid of them. And it's been as long as it's been, like, even though it's been over and up, um, I've gotten comfortable with what they are in our relationship. So it's not like I just met them two years ago. Yeah. So it's so much good or bad, good and actions, good or bad, good and bad. So much history there. And I've gained a healthy amount of respect. So now it's just a formality at this point. Okay. Um still kind of gotta get used to them being a face in it. That's the uh, you know, uh that's the hard part. Yeah, it's still a bit of a question. I I I wouldn't mind it because I don't like thinking about it. Talking about is actually I know what you're talking about. Yeah, like in terms of like what that is. Oh, I always don't mind. So at that point, it's not that it I mean, you know, you just think you just think of that when you still see your baby like that. You know, I don't say that because it really ain't a bad thing. Don't do that wrong. Sorry, Bob. Um that you guys are affectionate is one of them. So and I don't want to take that away from you. I don't want to ruin that. It's just me like and you don't want to catch that smoke from Tia when you be in all stand office people. She's like, Why don't you exactly? Yeah, you know, she does it. She would slippery slope catch one, too. Now we're gonna switch into one of my favorite segments of the podcast, dude's question of the week. Now we don't know what this question is, we have no idea it could be about anything, but it's an open open floor question, and then we have to respond. So still, hopefully. So if you could pick one person, male, female, then matter a famous or just a well-known person to spend the day with. Who would that person be a wife?

unknown 32:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

This one is easy for me. I'm gonna let somebody else go first. I mean, then if the spectrum is broad, it be a singer, it can be an actor, it can be a alive or dead, alive or dead, doesn't matter whoever that person is or was, you can spend one day with Jesus first. Just I mean it ain't just it depends on what you want. If you want to stand out, then that's what you do. But if you want to, if you're seeking something for that person, then that's the why. Or thank you not, that's give me a while. So mine is uh a historic figure, because I love history, right? And and this person was in the mix of so much of history that we don't know about because she was a spy. So we don't know what all she got into, but it's Josephine Baker. But when you look at her story, it is absolutely incredible, right? And the things she was able to do in our life, being a black woman during the war, before the war, uh having to leave this country because of racism and everything else to build her life in Europe, and then still having the wherewithal to spy for the French government and the uh underground and all of that during the war. So I just think she would have so many stories, you know, to share and to be able to talk and experience that, not just the entertainment side, but uh all the other things she did in her life too. I just think she would be an incredible person to have a conversation with. Awesome. What's she not? I'll be a little more familiar. Um, you know, if y'all know me, y'all know who my cousin is. He's always acting, traveling the world and stuff. So if if I could spend one day with him, you know, if he could come to the wedding, that would be great. Uh Michael B. Jordan, you know, that's boring. He's been my sailing for a while. You don't get to come to the cookouts much. We don't get to see him or nothing like that.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

So is that really your cousin?

SPEAKER_00 34:27

Oh crack, that's really your cousin die on the hill. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Y'all know y'all know her?

SPEAKER_00 34:48

I'm talking about my cousin all the time. I wonder if you hang out with my cousin Prince. Uh if I had to choose somebody, I would choose Muhammad Ali. Okay. Just because he was a small criminal in the ring. Uh got a lot of swag, a lot of uh character. One thing I will say, I'm a fighter, but uh don't like the aspect of war, especially the times that we're in right now. Um and he was one to uh get arrested for not you know going into the VNR war. So um I would say that would be a great conversation to have with him why he did that. And uh he's just standing firm on the stand stuff. Yeah, how to stand firm when the whole world is coming at you. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. And that's a difficult thing. I mean, I I feel the same way about the war that we end up. So yeah, why not just because I like the way he maneuvering this considered a whole race? I know he dealt with a lot of violence. I just little hear how you do right. I want to consider what you know, Michelle, my cousin. I so I can call that this is a lot of learning today. I'm not a believer in make that happen, bro. Yeah, I got you. But so when you show up at the wedding, y'all wouldn't be shot.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

Okay, okay.

Real Talk On Being A Dad

Discipline That Kids Actually Respect

Parenting Together Without Undermining

SPEAKER_00 36:35

So y'all know that. Don't say don't fail my cousin. I that's why you don't come in public now. I understand it. I wouldn't tell him either if I was here. This one would be like for obvious reasons. The earnest ever just such as the uh faculty advisor that found the fraternity. Um just to be in the space or the room and able to sort of talk through what was his thoughts behind even putting together an organization such as our what led how to create the principles that we govern ourselves by uh the relationships that we that we forge uh as men are based on biblical principles, uh but it's not limited to fraternity. So uh just the being uh there and his brain uh as a professor, uh and during the time you already have an organization. Why create your own? So that's a lot of questions. I think what would be an interesting question to get one of the founders' perspectives on how they envision it becoming what it's become. Exactly. You know, yeah. And I probably, you know, then I would imagine that the scope was more about trying to at least figure out a way to make us feel included. Yeah. Not only uh in a college setting, but just something that we can have as our own in terms of making sure that we build cohesive relationships through a means that would allow people to come together that don't even know each other. Like when you play as I didn't know IOVs. And now it's just you know, it's not another. Yeah. Um, but the same with us. You know, some people get that not only through an organization, and I'm blessed that I have it on both sides. Yeah. And for those that don't know, LBs is lying rocks. They're people that he plays to the same thing. So how did I say you know? Oh, I see you broke out the magnetic seven. So, what questions do you guys have for us? If there was anything that you could ask us, what would it be? Or if it's just something with your mind. We thought about it behind the scenes a little bit, but as far as ripping off that band-aid or the expectations of fatherhood, not so much marriage, you know, we can get that, but fatherhood's a little different, a little special, a little more intimate kind of thing. And you know, the thing I will say about fatherhood is number one, it's a relationship too. You're gonna have a relationship with your kid. So there is no one way to be a father. And half of the time you're not gonna know what the hell you're doing. And that's okay. Make it up, make it till you make it, right? Use your best judgment. Um, every situation is gonna be unique because there's other people gonna be involved in in the kid's life as well, right? So you have to take that into account. So I would say lead with love and know the kid is gonna make mistakes. Know they're gonna do dumb shit, just like you did dumb shit, just like you did dumb shit. Um, and that's a part of life. That's a part of learning. And you rather than do that dumb shit while they're in your house, yeah, then do it when they leave, right? So yeah, just keep all of that in perspective, I think would be the advice I would give. Always leave with love and know that it's gonna be okay. Figure back how connects to the things that once you create within that's how we're gonna be a key to be that person both see how one way out of the other. Um you like to fish. That is a big thing you can take him out. You've already started doing it at searching like only. And those things are things that he will take with him, and he will do the same thing. So it's all about just making sure that you do things that are going to be something that lasts, you know, excellent. And do the things they pick up on that you didn't even think they would even notice. Marie used to do this all the time. Call me all the little stuff that I did or always do that I didn't even think twice about, or didn't even know I was doing. Uh so yeah, they they will pick up on everything. So be conscious of that. Yeah. I was gonna say an aspect of marriage. Um the we asked that you know, I'll weigh in on it. You know, go out and disquartion. Um we afraid of discipline. Um discipline herself or inheriting when I tell you. Um but since you've already started, you didn't try everything. You don't know what he's gonna take to what he's gonna like. So if it's within your ability, let him try everything. And when he finds something that he's passionate about, that's what you want. And you can't want it more for him, you want it more for himself. And that'll work that's like that's hard for an horse. Yeah, if if that horse ain't willing to go that way, you can't judge it that way. So let him find his old passion and support that. I see triangling, but if they don't stick, don't make him do it. Yeah, you wasted y'all's time. And you will know. Don't force it, basically. Don't force it. You can't you can't make me like some. And yeah, at the end of the day, us is us at children. Because when we like it, we're hash it. Right. And we want to do it. Yeah. And you're gonna put it in the work. You're not gonna mind putting it in the work. It's something you want to do. If you're making them go to judo just because you want them to go to judo, you're gonna go in there. And then you're gonna go anything about it. Yeah. They don't let them be great at it and don't like it. Oh, that's the worst. I think that's the worst. Okay. That's also life. That's life. Oh sorry. Yeah, I'm gonna recant that. Uh, but like like like you said, uh you didn't really have a uh a father or a father figure. Uh I'm the same. I was raised by my grandparents. What is the what would you say is that going on discipline? What is the most sound way to go about discipline? The the answer no mean no. I mean, I I can't tell you what that need to look like because for me it might be it's maybe different for you. But when you say it, I mean it. If that's the consequence, they have to suffer that out. If you say I'm gonna take your phone, you take that phone. If you say you put it for you to stay in your world for two days, they stay in the world for two days. Whatever that is, they do that. Because if they don't, if you don't owe their feet to the fire, then sometimes it may not agree, but you have to stick to your one of our toughest things sometimes in the line of fire. We're not gonna look at you, we're not gonna look at my right, oh we can just you all are me, you are honest. So you gotta bear that blood sometimes. And like so we say that discipline. And I think part of it too is about being proactive. And this is where I think a lot of people miss the vote with their kids. They start talking about what the kids should or shouldn't do after something happens. Be proactive and set expectations with your kid, right? If the first time you're talking about um, you know, getting the homework done as soon as you get home, if the first time you're having that conversation is after they get their report card and something is going right, that's your fault. Right. Right. If you didn't set expectations up front with your kid, kids acting out in public, have you talked to them about how they should behave in public? That's about it. So I think a lot of that, if you're proactive, and we talked about this last season, being actively engaged in the kid's life. That doesn't just mean going to work and putting food on the table and understanding your kid and knowing what they're involved in, knowing what they like, what you don't like, so you can manage and help them manage and navigate the world effectively. Okay. About being proactive. And then I kind of want to tie that in uh with having a kid and being married at the same time. Like you said, sometimes, you know, your wife might not like how you discipline your child, but how how could that, you know, affect the relationship for a marriage, shall I say? I think communication is key. Yeah. Uh everything. I think the way you are uh these these frankliness, uh how do you talk about what your expectations are for that child and what you want to see, it makes a difference. Uh if it if you are clear on what you what your own is or whether it I say it won't go wrong, it's understood. Yeah. And you all have to respect each other enough that if I make a call, that's the call. If she makes a call, you back her call, right? And back to that communication, but you have to respect that enough. And again, have those conversations with your spouse about how y'all want to approach things. Yeah, yeah. They know what how to play y'all.

unknown 48:03

Yeah.

Closing Wisdom On Marriage Pressure

Stay Connected With The Hangout Fam

SPEAKER_00 48:04

Ask your mama, ask your daddy. So as we come to the end of the episode, I really appreciate you guys being here. I did want to give my brother Mark his opportunity uh to redeem himself himself from the last episode to give uh story on that. So before we do the things, what I love about my brothers, they don't give a you know what about nothing. So why the why it's all about preparation and feel prepared for what you're supposed to do. So where I'm at right now, I will make sure that I have my book. That's what it's all about. So with that being said, my objects on all this is what I wanted to share today was basically ultimate measure of a man is not where you stand at moments of comfort and convenience, but where you stand at times of charities and controversial. Very important. So take that. So mine is tough when times are tough, that's where we really get to see who you are. Not us, but that's where you're requires you to see who you are, and how you handle it. You know, that's the next step. Because one thing about my what she's always looking for is secure. And you want to do nothing else, you want to make sure she feels that she's secure, everything else is already. But that's not always good. It's okay to let your spouse especially know that you don't always have it figured out every single time. That we don't won't happen all the time. That's right. But there will be a time or two where you don't know, and y'all are gonna have to collect figure it out. Again, and it's no shame in it. That's right. That's right. Um you know, I always like to use this little thing where when you first get married, at first that one for five years is hey, it's all love, getting to know each other, yeah, you know how we feel in our career. That's five through eight, we're kind of getting to that point where we can kind of level off, and things are starting to take place, and you know, all of a sudden, we look up, and when we get to that, I see all of a sudden, why we ain't talking. Why we ain't gonna gloss it over. Year seven is hell. Well, it's five year seven and anything. It's hell. Yeah. So you know it's not even one thing that causes it. It's just like y'all are growing life pressure and like year seven is a mother. And it's how you have a risk. And this is like, oh my god, what is this? So you you know, do the little things that mean something to you guys now. How do you got through this? Let me forget that. Do things like take those vacations. Uh you know, one of the biggest things is making sure that you are a listener. Listen, case, listen. Because if you are not a new second listener, you know, because um you always gotta remember it, it's important to keep on. You know, you can't always be the same. Trust me, they ain't gonna be following. Whenever you be ready. I I'm gonna tell you probably the most important thing that I can say. I thought year two through 24. I'll tell you. But I'll tell you what has been the biggest assist that I can have is have people that I can deposit to. And no. When I say no, I mean no, that it only once it goes either of these iterations, it is locked in alike. I don't care what I say, I have the freedom of expression. No call you on that if I'm not right, right. They feel differently, but then that's the conversation. It's going over. I never have a notion that either one of these guys would rather me out. Never. And you need that pressure battle. You need that pressure bow. That's why I wasn't sharing with you guys. It's important as you guys are offering is growth, lean on each other. Uh it's important to have that in your heart, and you gotta have that space because they're just gonna be times or you will to that. Of course, you got this. But everyone, you know, should have somebody to release that attention. Believe me, they're talking about y'all. I know. Well, man, thanks for joining us, Hannah, fam. We appreciate you. Don't forget to reach out to us on all our social media sites, at HeyL Podcast, on Instagram, uh, at Facebook. We love to hear your comments on the conversation. If you have any other questions, we can make sure we get it to these guys. Make it share their perspective uh on that as well. So we appreciate you. Thanks for joining us, and we'll see you once time. Peace.