Season Two Kicks Off

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hey, what's going on, Hayof fans? Welcome to season two of the Hayof podcast. We are really excited about what we have planned for season two. A lot more engagement directly with the audience. We want to understand what you guys are thinking. We want to know what you want to talk about. So we're going to be engaging a lot more on our social media platforms, and we'll have more information about how to connect with us directly at the end of the episode. But it's going to be a really exciting season. We have a lot of great guest unks lined up to come in and talk to you about and share their expertise and their life stories. So strap in, grab your favorite beverage, and welcome to the second season of the Hay Up Podcast. This first episode is going to be a little bit different. We're really going to focus in on what's been going on in the world, the good, the bad, the ugly, and share some of the thoughts that we've had during this break between the first and second seasons. So please reach out to us on social media. Let us know what's been on your mind. So welcome to episode one of season two of the Ham Podcast. What's going on? Fellas. Excited?

SPEAKER_04 1:33

I am excited, and I want to, you know, when they reach out to their favorite uncle, um, I just want y'all to know I'm not licensed in any particular area with except in real estate. But I did say the holiday in Express.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

There you go. That's why he's the perfect expert.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

I just want y'all to know I can answer your question.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yeah. And I will always give you an answer. That answer might be BS. But you will get an answer. I promise you. The answer is gonna come from somewhere. It could be the heart, it could be well, it's pulling out my ass from time to time. But listen, we we really want to engage with you guys, so let us know what you want to talk about. In this episode, like I said, we're gonna keep it kind of open and free-flowing. I have some questions we pulled together uh to talk about what's been on our minds uh with all the things that have been going on in the world. So we're gonna touch on some of those. Uh, but this episode is really just a conversation, just like always. And we'll go ahead and kick it off with the first question.

SPEAKER_04 2:41

Hold on. Um, before you get into the questions, I think you mentioned at the top do a little bit of reflection. So in that spirit, I know that one of our earlier episodes, um, we we got feedback at different points on different things. And for me, just to hear what people have to say, or to know that we've struck a nerve, good or bad, positive or negative, to someone, the fact that you even listening, we're grateful. And to know that you give the feedback saying, hey, when I heard this, that that I felt X kind of way in that moment, which is we do it for us to get some stuff off, but to share it with people who feel the same way, and hopefully we are connecting and bringing in people on you know from all perspectives. It doesn't matter, we don't have a an agenda or anything like that. We're not trying to single out, we're just talking about our own life experiences, and hopefully we continue to connect and you guys continue to share and give us feedback on you know what you thought about whatever episode you listened to.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

So, in that vein, is there any moment from season one that stood out for you?

SPEAKER_04 3:56

Yeah, well, there was one in particular. We were talking about loss, and just something that I shared. One of our viewers, you know, gave us the feedback saying, hey, when he said this, that really spoke to me. And it allowed uh that individual to release some stuff that they were dealing with. So, you know, again, I'm talking from my own experience, but if it's relatable, then that's that's the goal.

Men’s Health Wins And Action

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Right. Right. What about you? From a reflection standpoint, for me, um we talked about men's health. Uh it's so important that men get checked out, especially today when it comes to the smallest things, prostate, uh, you know, getting your blood pressure checked, things like that. That's what stood out. Our episode we did on that pattern made a difference.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

You know, and it's funny you say that because one of the guys that works with me came up to me after that episode and said, Man, I made a doctor's appointment because of what you guys said. So Mike's story really resonated with him and got him to take an action from it, which is exactly what we want.

SPEAKER_05 5:06

Absolutely.

Relationships, Isolation, And Dating Stats

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Exactly what we want. Absolutely. I think one of the things that stood out for me was the episode with Dr. Brock Grace. And we were talking about relationships and all of that. That apparently resonated with a lot of people. Um that that by far was our biggest watched episode, uh, and a lot of feedback around that episode. So this season we definitely want to have Dr. Grace back to continue that conversation uh and and dive into that some more. But it it kind of speaks to and I think COVID had a lot to do with this, but people have been isolated, and I think they're still isolating, self-isolating now. Uh, and that that is a big problem. That is a big problem. Uh, and I was uh and I couldn't even believe this fact when I heard it, but and I think they were talking about Vermont or one of the up north states, and they were saying that men between 18 and 24, 70% of them have never been on a date with a woman.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Wow. Wow. What is that?

Social Media And Lost Social Skills

SPEAKER_01 6:27

I'm like, how is that even possible? But they were talking to it, it's that whole self-isolation, and when you look at that age group, they were coming up through COVID, so that had something to do with it. But now it's to the point where it is self-selected isolation. And one of the younger guys was talking about it and said, Yeah, a lot of my friends they're not comfortable talking to girls, they don't know how to. And that is that's a real problem. And I really don't care what your preferences are or anything like that, but not being able to connect with people is gonna have impact across your entire life. Absolutely, let alone the lonely thing. But how how can you connect with people and be able to um connect on jobs or you know, build a network or support or any of that? So no doubt. I think that's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 7:26

Not to stay on this too long, but social media contributes to us. Yeah, for sure. I mean, the way that we came up, we had to interact. Yeah. You know, there was no other way. You know, you didn't have means to do it electronically, you know, outside of the a phone, not a cell phone, just a regular phone. I mean, we knew everybody's number by heart. You know, free phones were important at that point. Yeah. You know, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

If you were out, that was your only children.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

That was it, that was it. So, you know, I was in the mall the other day, and it was like watching robots walk. Everybody has everybody was walking with their heads in their phone. And then the people that were sitting down were in their phones. No real communication happened at all.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

So And the thing for me as a retired hunter killer, the chase was the phone.

SPEAKER_04 8:26

The chase is where it was at. The title of that, not only is it a great movie, by the way, but it's so profound.

SPEAKER_05 8:37

It's so true.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Oh my god. So yeah. Hunter killer. A retired hunter killer.

SPEAKER_04 8:44

I like the retired part. I am retired. Yeah, I'm gonna have to make it a test. That's what it is. Some kind of knowledge over there. But for those that need it. But you're right, though. I mean, the pursuit, um, that's where the focus you like, you pursue. Yes. And you cannot, but that's what that's where we come from.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Right.

SPEAKER_04 9:10

You know, you can't have related, you know, you can't pursue, you can't be in a relationship, you can't have relations, you can't have kids.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Yeah.

What We’re Excited For This Season

SPEAKER_04 9:18

You know, so it's it's that cycle that's being broken. And you got a large number of our population that are you know entering retirement and you know, uh ultimately eternity with the baby boomers, and we are not replenishing, especially in that northeast area that you referred to. So that's all about the cycle of life. But anyway.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Anyway, so season two. As we get into this, we've kind of laid out some of the things we want to get out of season two, but just looking forward. What are you looking forward to?

SPEAKER_00 9:55

I'm looking forward to the changes that we've made to kind of upgrade new levels. So again, listen to our viewers, listen to what they have to say, um, or at least, you know, interacting with us. I'm excited about that.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Any specific topic you're excited about?

SPEAKER_00 10:12

So again, you brought up the fact that we're bringing Dr. Grace back. So I'm excited about that. That's just because you're nasty. What anyway, also, you know, we uh we're gonna have us an off-site opportunity where we do a little cooking, you get to see another side of us. I'm looking forward to that one as well.

SPEAKER_04 10:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

What about you, Stu?

SPEAKER_04 10:35

Um, quite honestly, looking forward to just the guests that we're gonna have. I know we're gonna, you know, we're not giving away the farm. Uh we're gonna have some young men on the on set. I think that's gonna be really powerful, fun, educational. Um, and this the guests in general, different guests, a few extra, you know, guests this year that we didn't have last year, you know what they have to bring to the table, so and what kind of commotion that's gonna stir in the viewer land.

Family Feuds And Reconciliation

SPEAKER_01 11:02

So it's gonna be exciting. So all right, so now let's get into it. We're gonna start here with Uncle Mark. This one is interesting and it is timely for a lot of people. So if two people fall out dividing the family and later reconcile, should everyone else still be holding a grudge? Yes. Why is that? Why do you feel that?

SPEAKER_04 11:33

Okay, because it's but it's been proven. This has been proven over the course of time. When the two people reconcile, they're the only ones that's going through the reconciliation process. Everyone else is still harvesting that emotion. Okay. And there's no healing, there's no redirect to say, hey, you know, to understand fault, because even though most of the intel comes from one side. So when you go through that reconciliation process, you're not giving that intel back to the people you fed all the or spewed all the garbage to, I guess, if you will. Okay. You're not reconciling that. You're only reconciling the relationship in which you were hurt or damaged in. So when you heal and you're back with that person, everybody else is still holding that crap bag, for lack of a better way of putting it. Right. So they still feel the way that they feel without no reconciliation.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

But is that fair? Well, I guess from a perspective of, I mean, what you said makes a 100% is correct. But at the same time, I just feel like when you look at those types of situations, I watched a situation happen recently where the two parties are, they're doing their thing, nobody is caring, but yet these people are, I mean, they're just pissed off. They just want to be pissed off for no particular reason. And it is crazy to me that you would live your life mad at someone constantly over something that the two the person that really was involved the most has healed from. You get what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 13:22

I I do get what you're saying, but has that person made amends to everybody else that was involved?

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Now everybody else wasn't involved. Well, you know about it because of uh I guess hearsay. Get what I'm saying? Like you wasn't, you weren't literally literally involved, but you've taken a stance, which, hold on, let me That means I'm involved. Yes. So let me put it in perspective. I don't, I know what you're saying, and I'm not, I'm just bringing it up because I just thought it was just to watch families just get torn apart over something that really didn't involve them literally at that.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

But but we see this often, right? And I think a lot of it is more, it's not that they're still mad, it's that they're still disappointed. Okay, that's right. And until some kind of reconciliation happens there with everybody, right?

SPEAKER_03 14:28

So who do you think who just for Well let me let me add this to you?

Aha Moments After 50

SPEAKER_04 14:35

You gotta look at the intel. All right, so I'm gonna if I'm mad at somebody and I say to my boys, y'all know I try to be authentic though, 100%, but everybody's not like that. Right. Everybody wants you to see it the way they want you to see it. And by doing that, you have one side of the story. That part. So you don't have a complete story. And for the other part party to not be able to advocate their side, it's not, you don't have any. I can see that. Right. You don't have any of that. You just have a okay. Because if you're not as invested in a person as you, if you're not as invested in, say if it's you and you have a dispute with another party, I'm not as invested in that party more often than not as you are because I'm only hearing from you. So it means our relationship is stronger. Now, if you two had a dispute, then I would hear from Shan, I would hear from Mo. Correct. And then I can be like, well, both of y'all are F crazy. Yeah. And then we need to fix this. Right. But when it's all one-sided, you get to hear what they want you to hear, and you're instantly mad. Right. Because you don't even have a dog in a fight. If somebody hurt your boy, your girl, your sister, your brother. Correct. It's a wrap.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

So in scenarios like this, you know, fixing that situation is kind of what I'm hearing is somebody needs to be able to go in and I don't know if the word is.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

It could be as simple, y'all, y'all need to have a family meeting.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Right. Because now, like you may not even know that I'm pissed off. In the example, you and Stuart don't had it out. You don't even know I'm mad because of what you die. But y'all don't made it up. Yeah. And I can't get over it. So how do I you want me to call a family meeting?

SPEAKER_04 16:29

That's my responsibility. If I if I was being a chatterbox and unload my position on you, then I need to go back and be authentic about what I did and rectify the situation with you. I don't expect him to do it because he never said anything to you. Correct. I pulled you in. So now I have to fix that with you in order to make that better between the two of you.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Yeah. That was an absolute. But a conversation has that, a family conversation is all about. Exactly. Exactly. All right. So I I I actually really like this question. And this is from Stu. What was your biggest aha moment you've had as a 50-plus year old young man? I don't know that those two things go together.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

But we're gonna roll with it. I couldn't say the other one.

SPEAKER_04 17:27

Speaking of because the earth the world is old.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

Happy birthday to my boy, Uncle Mark. Appreciate it. With the double nickels. That's right. With his old ass.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Stay right there with me. Don't let them know. No, we're not. No, we're not.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

No, we're not. No, we're not double nickels. Not yet.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Right around the corner, guys.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

But anyway, so what what was your ha ha moment?

Designing The Second Half Of Life

SPEAKER_00 17:50

That life doesn't stop. For me, it is realizing that the best is yet to come. Um it's being being wiser. You know, you don't have to make, you don't make the same mistakes as you did when you were 25. You know what I mean? Um that that that's what it is for me. At least acknowledging the fact that, oh, okay, I remember when. Now I know how to fix that issue.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Okay. For me, and this led into a a question so we could take this topic a little bit deeper uh here in a bit, but realizing that I've always done what I was supposed to do and didn't prioritize what I want to do. So now that I'm a little older and I reflect back and I don't regret it, but I do see where I missed opportunities to do things that would have made me happy. But I prioritize other people over me. That's part of being a dad, that's what we do. But as I look back, I would have done small things for me instead of all of my energy pointed outwards. And that goes for my career too. I sacrificed a bunch of stuff to advance my career. Was it worth it? Maybe. But I think I would have approached that a little bit differently looking back.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

Gotcha. Um, for me is trying to get it in my mental that I am 50 plus.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Dude, that's hard. It is very hard.

SPEAKER_04 19:35

That was accepting that. Not that I was had a problem becoming the age, yeah, because I can appreciate every year of life. Yes. But my what's going on up here still reflects somebody in their late 20s, early 30s.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 19:54

Um, and then the things that start to happen to us physically. Like, you gotta take medications for stuff. Jesus, yeah. You know, you used to get, you know, tear down a brick wall with a with a urine.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Triple, triple. So um just, oh my god, that's some whole man shit.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

Yeah, for real. So it's it's like accepting uh where you are, but also acknowledging that hey, I still got to take care of myself as best I can because life is not stopping at 50. Yeah, for sure. We still have work to do, we still have goals to achieve, and it's never too late. And that's I think that's the biggest thing. It don't shut down because the only way it's too late is if you just give up.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Yeah. So yeah, that really resonates and leads into one of the things that's been on my mind is what do you want for the second half of your life, right?

Responsibility Versus Desire Abroad

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Segway in into that too, based off of what you guys were just sharing for me, is overcoming fear uh things. Um not being afraid to your point of taking up taking advantage of opportunities that are in front of me. Um I I'm an overthinker and I'm gonna I'm gonna think that thing through and I'm while I'm doing all this overthinking, I don't miss and uh you know, a chance to to do things and uh I'm realizing like you said, man, life is m moving. I mean it is flying. And I'm realizing I'm not gonna sit around and just be, you know, just gonna get rid of this fear.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

So with that though, do you have something in mind that you want or something you want to do?

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Like sp specific that I want to do. Not yet. It's coming. Um I wanna I do, but I don't want to share it. So come on, man. Alright. Don't be patient. I do, but I wanna share it. I'm gonna wait. Because again, it it it goes back to I'm just getting over everything, but I don't I will share, I promise.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

And you're not just overthinking it, and that's why you don't want to share. Not gonna share again. Okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_04 22:35

What was the question again?

SPEAKER_01 22:37

The question is, what do you want to do with the second half of your life?

Micro-Experiments: Try A Month Away

SPEAKER_04 22:40

Oh, yeah, I still want to build something. Like physically, I want to build something. I've had a lot of time to reflect on the decision. Even in the past few years, some decisions I made, I felt like I was, to your point, I made decisions based on everybody else, sacrificing my own personal desires because this is what has to happen for my family. And I I'll continue to do that. Let's be clear. But I still have to prioritize some things that I want to do, and I have to step out of my uh comfort zone and and just go ahead and make it happen. Uh I I'm I wouldn't go so far as to say I overthink. I just need to execute because I have the means in terms of people, people capital. That's that's one of the biggest things that's gonna help me achieve what I need to achieve. So I'm I'm gonna build something.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Okay. You know, and I I guess for me too, I you know, traveling. I want to travel more. That is something that I've been to certain places, but I really wanna I want to go to Africa. I really want, yeah, I want to go to Africa and I want to see parts of Europe.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Okay. That's fair. It and I wanted to talk about this question because I've been struggling with this one in particular. About where do I want to go, what do I want to do, what do I want the second half of my life to look like. And it kind of ties back into that I've always done what I was supposed to do, now I want to do what I want to do. But there's challenges to that, and I'll give a specific example. Y'all know I have always wanted to live overseas. Right? Even if it's just for a few years, but I've never been able to make that happen. Well, now that Naya's my daughter is out of the house, she's on her own doing fantastic. But now we're getting into the age where we gotta take care of our parents. So, can I really do that if I'm out of the country?

SPEAKER_04 24:46

A good conscience.

Motorcycles, Travel, And Building

SPEAKER_01 24:48

You know, uh, and yeah, for my mom, you know, my brothers are there and all that, but how much can they take on by themselves? For Gina's side, she's it, she's gotta take care of her mom. So um it's a it's something I'm still struggling with, but that that would be one. And then what we have, right? With all the kids and you know, we had the studio and things like that. Again, how much I am willing to sacrifice what I want to do with the second half of my life versus keeping the course, right? And it's a real struggle, and I think a lot of people struggle with that question between responsibility and desire. Right. And how do you manage that?

SPEAKER_04 25:44

Well, something like that, you know, it's it's not as I mean, I say that in my chair, it's not as difficult as you make it, and this is just one of those quick suggestions. Like, instead of going for years, maybe you can go for a month. Right now, you know what I'm saying? Get that experience, get that time, that downtime, that away time, experience, that culture. Uh do all those things because a month will give you plenty of time to do enough. Yeah. And then you come back, you reset and look for the next opportunity where you can spend maybe a couple of months abroad.

Cutting Noise For Mental Health

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Yeah. You where you the way your job's set up, you know, have that flexibility. And plus you can um, you know, get you get something, get something over there that we can all go and visit. I mean, you know, get a piece of property over there. Being selfish. That's what we do.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

That depends on where I go. But if I go to Amsterdam, I don't know that that's gonna happen. It costs too much. But depending on where I go for sure. Oh, no, for the boys, y'all good. But for everybody, not a money revival. Not at once. Not at once. Yeah. But yeah, and I think, and I really want to dive into that topic more this season because I think there are a lot of people that deal with that. And even younger people, right? It's not just us dealing with uh uh our midlife crisis, right? Um, and whether that applies to your career or the family or traveling or whatever else. It's a challenge and figuring out ways that maybe you can meet in the middle. But then that raises the question, you know, what they say about compromise, that means ain't nobody happy. Nobody happy, right? And is that the right way to go?

SPEAKER_02 27:37

Well, I don't know. I know what another thing I'm gonna add to that is this motorcycle, I'm gonna get me one and go cross country.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

I am doing it. Okay, yeah. I am gonna get a motorcycle.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

Yeah, a cruiser.

SPEAKER_04 27:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:51

Kevin has been trying to get me to get, well, I'm sorry, my neighbor has he's a motorcycle guy and he's been pushing me. I've always liked it. I'll be able to.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

It's cool. So we're having Kevin on soon, right? Yep, yeah. A couple of weeks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:04

Uncle K. And his pharmaceutical. Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

The Muddy Bad. The Muddy Bad.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

I I don't even know if I want to touch that one yet. We're gonna leave that one to last. Yes, sir. So this is this is another good one and and ties into the earlier conversation. What is one thing you're doing to actively pour into your own mental, emotional, or physical health this week?

Political Fatigue And Boundaries

SPEAKER_04 28:35

I'm cutting out all the white noise. I got a lot of white noise. I allow little stuff like, say for instance, like when I get up, I consume stuff that don't benefit me. Like politics. Oh shit. I listen to way too much political stuff. I grew to you, man. For real. It's almost an obsession. I ain't gonna even lie to you. People scroll through social, I scroll through media, political stuff. I am consumed with it. And and it takes away from the positivity that I should be feeding myself on a day-to-day basis. Because I did take a about two weeks ago, I took time out and I didn't listen to anything. I was like, I'm just gonna get up. First of all, I was more productive. I got ready faster. I got into my day faster, and and I felt like I was sharper. But I was still craving that foolishness that I always listen to, which, you know, for some people is just scrolling through and listening to random stuff. Mine is almost 100%. If it's not sports, it's politics. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:44

And nothing, and it benefits me. I I shouldn't say benefit me not at all, but it's not productive for me. Because you know, you want to understand the world in which we live to a degree. So that part is is such a distraction. Is that but just the the way the dysfunction in our country and the acceptance of it, it's mind-boggling. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

That is what enrages me. Mind-boggling. Why are we accepting, I can't even call it mediocrity. No. It's straight incompetence. Oh.

SPEAKER_04 30:20

Through and through.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

Ignorance. And we accept it like it's normal, and it drives me crazy.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

Yep. Our constitution. That's what they say. That's their favourite thing.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

But here's the thing: the constitution only works as long as everybody agrees to play by the rules. And we've never had a case where the people in charge said, fuck the rules. Right. Now we have that. And everybody's shocked and shaken, and they won't live up to the rule of problem.

SPEAKER_04 30:50

And the problem is no penalty.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

None.

SPEAKER_04 30:53

There are no penalties.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Which shows the problems that we've had. First of all, we hired, we selected a convicted felon. Yeah. Let's start there.

SPEAKER_04 31:04

Okay. So I'm stopping. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

But then the hypocrisy of that, but felons can't vote.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Right there.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

They can't vote, but they can hold office. How does that work? The highest. The highest office.

SPEAKER_03 31:18

Not just office. Let's be clear.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

It's the highest.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

The highest office. And then the sycophants and the utter incompetence that is surrounding him. Because he doesn't want people that know anything or know how to do the job or even care about doing the job.

SPEAKER_04 31:36

That's gangster s 101. Straight gangster. If you run in the mob, you want royal soldiers. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 31:44

You don't want them to think.

SPEAKER_04 31:46

No, no, you do not. And it's been expressed. I want generals like Hitler.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:53

You know, and this is, I'm gonna leave this alone, but it is so amazing to hear, you know, the Attorney General of the United States, who is supposed to be impartial. Impartial. Impartial or praise, praise the leadership of the president of the United States. Under his leadership, he has, well, he has lied.

SPEAKER_03 32:14

He's done nothing.

SPEAKER_04 32:15

What they say, lies, lies, lies, and more lies.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:18

And fraud and enriched himself to the he is he has become a billionaire just from in one year. Being in the presidency.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

The New York Times said he has enriched himself to the tune of$1.4 billion.

SPEAKER_04 32:36

And has totally gutted office. Yep. Totally gutted the division that oversees cryptocurrency. Gutted it. So there's no oversight.

Toxicity, Cutoff Games, And Family Ties

SPEAKER_01 32:46

We know all this is bullshit. All of it. But here's and this is what kills me about people because they can't think 15 minutes in front of their face. And we're starting to see the impact of that now. Now, all these other countries that used to be in it to win it with us, they're looking elsewhere. Great Britain is retying to China, Canada's looking elsewhere, they're looking to Europe. Germany just announced that they don't see a future for NATO. Africa's with China and Russia.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

His goal is to get rid of NATO. That is his part of his goal.

SPEAKER_04 33:23

Doesn't benefit us.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

Doesn't, but it's not what it's about. It's about that. That's part of it.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

And now there's a trickle-down effect, right? Because in the last week, week and a half, now the European Union is saying, hey, we need to build our own credit card system. We need to get away from DJ Massacre. We need our own system. In France, in Germany, and somewhere else that I'm not recalling right now, they're saying, yeah, we need to get rid of Microsoft because they have their US-based company and they have too much control over our systems. So we need we need our own. So now these idiotic policies and public statements.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

And tariffs.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

And tariffs are driving these foreign partners to either build their own, which, hey, if I was them, I'd do the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

Yeah, no doubt.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Or look elsewhere. Right? And the the pain that that is gonna cause us in the future, people don't see it.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

And they don't try to set us back to the 1950s.

SPEAKER_04 34:36

But he doesn't even understand the ramifications of what he's doing.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

I believe he does.

SPEAKER_04 34:40

No, he doesn't.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

I don't think he does. I think he does. I don't think he does.

SPEAKER_04 34:43

I I think he wants to, he thinks he understands. I don't think he understands.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Okay. Just said that man was worth 1.4 billion and counting. He will leave.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

So now that that enriching himself off the backs of others is something he understands. Because that's what he's done his entire life. Right? He's cheated, he stole, he's conned, whatever else, people since he was a young adult. That's what he knows. Does he understand the ramifications of that? No. Why? He doesn't care because it doesn't affect him.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Well, that's what I was getting to. It doesn't, he doesn't care. That's just why he's gonna tear everything down.

SPEAKER_04 35:30

Affects us, he'll be dead.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Right. Let's be clear.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

100% agree with him.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

He'll be dead. He will have before he died enriched him and his family. They will be set for life, but that's not gonna last as long as he thinks.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Yeah. But that's where he's at, and you all are answering that question as to why he could give a crap about it.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

Yeah, he don't.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

Yeah, he he truly does.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

So anyway. What are you doing to pour into your mental health?

Finding Creative Outlets And TTRPGs

SPEAKER_00 35:59

I have learned recently, well, not even recently, but I've learned to just not let things I stay away from toxic. It's to me, my mental health is like oxygen. If I give that to you, then I can't break it. You know what I'm saying? So I I kind of find that I don't even entertain it. Sometimes it is you address certain things, but when they start getting too high, I don't have time for it. I'm too old for that.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

So that's an interesting question because that was gonna be my next question is when do you draw that line and start disconnecting from people? You know, to protect your own mental health.

unknown 36:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

I start. When do you start? You start when you realize you find yourself, again, being stressed out over things that really don't have nothing to do with you.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

And you caught up in the middle of a bunch of crap. So I realized my it's affecting my mental. And just again, they moved on, and I'm over here, you know, worried about this and that, and it's not fair to me. Yeah. It's hard to do, but it's real.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

Yeah. And then connect that to our last conversation. All these armchair people defending all this crap that's going on. I don't even want to hear it. Nope. First utterance of it. We're done. Now, there's a whole debate around this and say, no, you shouldn't cut people off. You should continue to have a relationship with them, and maybe they'll learn and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I ain't got time for this shit. I ain't got time for it. And it's not my responsibility to correct your ignorance. No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_04 37:53

No, I'm gonna go backtrack just a little bit. Because when you talk about politics, especially um in the workplace, I don't have political conversations over. I can't. I can't. Because even I'm complicit in this. I will hear stuff and not respond to it. Because if I do, it's gonna be bad. Because I am that locked in on my belief to where if I have the conversation, it's gonna get really ugly really quick. Because I know I'm right. At the end of the day, you cannot tell me that I'm not right because my opinion does not hurt anybody.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

And that's the thing. My moral compass is always gonna land on the side of justice.

SPEAKER_04 38:47

That's right. So uh, and uh, to address the just the most recent question um about eliminating people, I got one of the best cutoff games. The people that cause me mental anglers, I can't cut off.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Ooh, damn. That hurt a little bit. Oh wow. That's real.

SPEAKER_04 39:13

Anybody else can get cut off like that. Yeah. I have no problem. Okay, I'm done. I don't tell you, I just don't talk to you. And you know it because you don't hear from me no more. And if you call me or reach out, I don't respond.

SPEAKER_03 39:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:29

You know this. But they don't impact, they don't affect me enough. If this causing me mental angles, I cannot cut you off. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:37

Because you reside. Oh man. There is a blood tie that just will not allow me to cut you off. I want to cut you. But I can't cut you off.

SPEAKER_01 39:49

But you can't. Got that responsibility. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 39:52

Yeah. But remember, 90% of what I say is a lie.

What Men Wish Women Understood

SPEAKER_01 40:01

Sure is not. You're talking about them other ones. That's right. Yeah. The other people. You know, for me, and probably about the last seven or eight months, um I have started playing some TTRPGs. So for those that don't know what that is, Dungeons and Dragons, Dagger Heart, is role-playing games. It's something. Hold on. Yep. Not that kind of role playing.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

Not that kind of role play. So we need to talk about it. I'm down with that kind of role play.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

No, no, no, no, no. No. I'm down with it. Okay. But that is not what we're talking about right now.

SPEAKER_05 40:41

Everybody knows that.

SPEAKER_01 40:42

Yeah, everybody know I'm down. For the get down. So anyway. But it is um, and I wanted to talk about this specifically because right or wrong, it's something I've always wanted to do, even since I was a teenager. Okay. Right? It's something I a creative outlet I wanted to explore, but it wasn't cool. Or in my mind, it wasn't cool. I didn't see any of my friend group wanting to do that. And then as I came up, oh man, I'm a grown A-man. I ain't got no business playing games. But what I have realized, number one, many of these things, it was our generation that created them, right? Because they uh started developing in the 70s. But it is engaging my creative side more than I ever thought it would.

SPEAKER_05 41:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:39

So as you're going through this, number one, is not just a game, right? Uh and where I've always wanted to write and things like that and get that creative side out, I don't have time to write a book. And I'm not gonna be that deeply vested into it. Okay. But I can design a story that then we can engage with as a group and in this game setting.

SPEAKER_05 42:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:09

Right? So I have been getting, I've really been working through those creative energies, and it has helped me cope with some of all this other crap that's going on and give me a different focus. Uh, and I'm gonna have a lot of fun with. You know, I'm having a lot of fun with it.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

That's good. If y'all don't understand, Big Bang Theory helps all y'all. Y'all just watch that show for a minute. That explains my guy right here.

SPEAKER_01 42:36

Yeah. Yeah. So I I'm embracing my inner geek and having a good time doing it. And and I would encourage everybody, find your thing. Don't be embarrassed about it. Don't, you know, read more into it uh than you need to. If it's something you want to investigate, like you were saying, have a little bit of courage and and go for it. You know, the first time I went to play, half the dudes in there were my age.

unknown 43:06

Right.

SPEAKER_03 43:07

Interesting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

Because they all grew up playing these games. Right. Um so, and then I thought, well, shh, there ain't gonna be no black people playing. Yes, there is. Plenty. And then I started looking at all of these uh cosplayers and people that go to these conventions and all of that. There's a whole world out there that people are exploring and doing incredible artistic stuff, right? It's not just about dressing up. And I'm not into that. I don't make costumes or any of that side, but I enjoy seeing it because the creativity and the artistry that people are putting into that stuff, y'all need to check it out. It's crazy what some of these, especially some of these younger people, are doing with creating these fantasy worlds and bringing these animation. Characters and all that stuff to light, but doing it our way.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

Right. And that that I enjoy seeing it. I hear you.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

I have a couple of nieces and nephews who would beg to their frick's on. During Christmas time, I mean, Negro Santa Claus here. Hey man. I mean. Hey man, don't be talking about Shanty Claus. I'm just saying, y'all. We gotta talk about Shanty Claus.

SPEAKER_04 44:27

Negro Santa Claus. Santy Claus. He's Saint Nigger. Okay. Let's just call him what he is. We're gonna get that picture. First coin, Saint Nigger.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

The kids love Shanty Claus. That man dressed up real nice, like old Saint Negro.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

Listen, hey, as long as the babies love it, I'll keep doing it.

SPEAKER_04 44:50

I'm gonna keep this at the time of this recording. Um I am embarking. I don't think I've ever shared this on this platform. But I gotta get him out my little man Si shout out. Josiah. That's right. He's not even here yet.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

His real name is Lou Shannon. Just for the record. His real name is Lil' Shannon.

Space To Be Vulnerable At Home

SPEAKER_04 45:18

Yeah, so he's gonna be the first boy from uh from my downtree. And uh I am super, super, super excited about his arrival.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

And uh that's great. You know, speaking of that, can't forget my man, my little Hayes, also this year. He just turned one. So we're getting some boys in this group. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:41

So slowly but surely, what am I looking forward to? And I know you were specifically talking about the podcast, but 2026, that's what I'm looking forward to.

SPEAKER_01 45:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:51

Being a being a bear, not a grandpa, bear. That's my name.

SPEAKER_00 45:58

So many things to that. But that's okay. And we won't touch Papa. Pop Pa. Who is that?

unknown 46:06

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 46:07

Excuse me, Papa. I don't know. I already have a hard time with that.

SPEAKER_01 46:11

Lord. All right, so to kind of bring this home, well, because this is this is an interesting question. Do we want to bring that up? We got time. We're bringing it up. We got time. We're bringing it up. What's something men wish women understood?

SPEAKER_04 46:30

How to not attach a man's sexual problems to anything else that needs to be treated independently. It can't wear the badge of an attitude, or it can't wear the badge of a conversation or what do you call it, a discussion that you might not be in agreement about.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Simplify that for the for the people that don't understand what you just said.

SPEAKER_04 46:52

Well, basically, sex just needs to be an independent entity. Okay. And it needs to always be performed on a consistent, continual basis, regardless of what's going on in a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 47:06

And I don't, I feel like more issues can get resolved faster or you can get better resolution. Because you're you're having conversation and dialogue with a with a clearer thought process versus, you know, because we tend to get more hostile. I mean, first of all, we arguing, and then we're not intimate.

SPEAKER_01 47:29

Yeah. And that frustration builds up.

SPEAKER_04 47:32

The frustration is even heightened a lot more. So I that would be my thing. And how much peace in the house matters. And granted, there's a responsibility on both parties.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

It is. It sure is.

SPEAKER_04 47:46

It's not exclusively her role to make our house peaceful. I have to do the things that I'm supposed to do to help contribute to that. But those are the two things I would say.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

Say it in the bird, thank you, sir. What about you? Making sure that they understand life. Damn, it ain't ever, it ain't always our fault. You know? But um do not you need to learn how to separate the two.

Decision Fatigue And The Dinner Trap

SPEAKER_01 48:14

Yeah. Yeah. I I think for me, and this is a general uh statement, so I'm gonna generalize a little bit. But men need a space to be vulnerable. A lot of that is on demand and not wanting to show weakness or vulnerability to his family or to his wife or partner or whoever. Um, but that space needs to exist. And if it doesn't, that shows itself in so many negative ways if you don't have that outlet. I think weaponizing sex is one way, and that's from both sides, right? But then you can't talk about it because of whatever else is going on, or because he can't articulate it in a way that doesn't make him feel like just a Molusta, right? Yeah. However you're working through your relationship, understand that there has to be a space for vulnerability where vulnerability and where he can let his guard down and not be dad or the man of the house or you know the husband or whatever else other negative masculine traits you can attach to that, right? And be able to speak and be in a place. We all seen it. Right? You ask one of your boys or one of your cousins or something, hey man, you how you doing? You good? I'm all right. No, he's not. Right? And if he's not, does he have that outlook to be able to express that? And whether it's with his friends, but in his house, that space needs to exist.

SPEAKER_00 50:07

You brought up a good point. The vulnerability is so important to men, uh, if they can do that because they'll run through a brick wall. If they can get that out. Um if you men just want to, men are, we just want to be loved, we want to show us the respect. Um, I think that's so important. If you respect us uh within the home, outside of the home, they'll do pretty much will do anything for you. Now, again, it goes both ways. It's not a one-sided thing.

SPEAKER_04 50:40

But if that man, but we just focus on the question, though. And I think Okay, because I I alluded to it myself, but just if we focus on the question is what we you know from what we wish they wouldn't do, what we want them to do. Gotcha. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, now the disclaimer would be yes, we have a role in that. Yeah, absolutely. That is absolutely the disclaimer, but you know, just us articulating what we want from them. Because I don't want a woman to listen to us and say, oh, that's all they talk. No, it's not that. It's that specific question. We just want to make sure that we know that we have a responsibility in there. That's what what we're expressing, is what we want women to know.

SPEAKER_01 51:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:26

I think of a man. If y'all want to let us know what y'all want us to know, hit us in the comments.

unknown 51:31

Cool.

SPEAKER_01 51:31

Hit us up. We'd love to talk about it. Yeah. Love to talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 51:35

And tell you how wrong you are, not such a big topic, though.

SPEAKER_04 51:43

It is, and I I'll be honest with you, a lot of times I find the words hard personally in that space to, I guess, to your the points that that you guys have made, not feel like I'm not the husband that I should be because I feel this way. Or dad, I should be because I feel this way. And I and I have shared with my wife at some at times, I don't want to be. I don't want a title. I don't want to be husband, yeah, I don't want to be dad. I just want to be steward just for a moment. So if I go somewhere or like I'll go to Atlanta frequently, just go down there and hang out with one of my line brothers, and it's just a time that I don't have to be.

SPEAKER_01 52:31

Yeah. It's your space. That that is a powerful statement.

SPEAKER_04 52:35

Yeah, I'm not looking to do anything or cause any havoc. I just don't want the responsibility for a moment.

SPEAKER_00 52:44

And that's so fair. I mean, we're human, you know? You should be able to step away and just be okay with it. That's something that I struggled with in the past.

Final Thoughts And Season Two CTA

SPEAKER_01 52:56

Yeah, for me, it's how do I turn that mindset of being the boss, being in charge, and turn that off for a few minutes, right? And it can be something as simple as don't ask me what we're having for dinner. I don't care. I've been talking to people for 10, 12 hours today. I don't want to make another decision. Let's have peanut butter sandwiches. I don't care. Exactly. But don't sit here and expect, put that pressure on me to decide for us. Or learn how to recognize when I'm at that limit. Right. And I've talked about this before. There was a couple, and I was listening to her Ted talk, and she was saying how her and her husband have a system where they check in and they assign percentages to how much energy level they have. Right? So if they're coming into a decision or whatever, and she'll say, you know what? I'm almost on E. I got 20% left. He knows he needs to pick up the slack, and vice versa. So that shorthand that they developed helps them have that conversation. And I think many of us, including myself, haven't figured out what that shorthand is.

SPEAKER_04 54:17

You know, and I think when it so this is always one thing always leading to another in these conversations. But let's talk about dinner for a moment.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

That is a universal problem. It's a universal problem.

SPEAKER_04 54:29

It is such a problem. Like when, like, say for instance, if you got a partner that's trying to do the right things, eat a certain way, that takes out like 50, 60% of what you could possibly just get to eat or just prepare to eat. So you have to be mindful of that, and then you're like, oh, because I want something that I know that they're not prepared to eat. So then herein lies a problem. Like, I can fit in anywhere. You know, if you say, let's do breakfast, I'm a big breakfast for dinner. I don't care. I eat it for dinner. Or you want to get something real quick, I can do just about anything. But when I know you can't, it makes it harder. And when I say I don't care and you don't care, we got a ball.

SPEAKER_01 55:18

So using to me, that means we're winging it. That's right.

SPEAKER_04 55:23

If I get something, or if I get something, please. Don't complain about it. Just eat it.

SPEAKER_00 55:27

Just eat it, yeah. Just eat it. Right. Just eat it.

SPEAKER_04 55:30

Because I'm over the thought process at that point.

SPEAKER_00 55:34

So it goes back to your point of learning your significant other, because if you don't had a long day and you've been dealing with decisions, and you've been, and I'm like, I'm on my way home, what you want me to pick up? And you say I don't care. I mean, and I you know my day been crazy because most most of the time you talk throughout the day, you can kind of pick up on the fact of what's going on, and it's like, oh my god, now, because I've been in that situation, all of a sudden it's 10 o'clock. We still ain't making decisions. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 56:06

It's like it's time to go to bed.

SPEAKER_00 56:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:10

But you know what? I'm gonna start just making that decision.

SPEAKER_00 56:12

That's right.

SPEAKER_04 56:13

I'm gonna make that decision right here, right now. If you say I don't know, cool. I got it.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

Yeah, yeah. Let me know how that goes.

SPEAKER_04 56:23

It's gonna go well.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 56:25

It will be eaten. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 56:26

Or not.

SPEAKER_04 56:28

Well, the thing about it is you take it off the table. You can't say you didn't provide.

SPEAKER_00 56:33

That's right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:34

And you didn't have a specific request. That's right. You asked. You did ask. There was no specific, I don't care. But I will be doing, making that decision with you in mind. I will be as conscientious about it as possible.

SPEAKER_01 56:51

When we had this conversation, it always reminds me of that reel uh that was going around where the question was, what is the worst thing about being an adult that nobody told you ahead of time? I came back and said that you got to decide what you want to eat every day. But that is the worst. Nobody explained that you had to decide what was for dinner every day. Every day. But yeah, that's a touchy subject. And nobody I know has figured that out.

SPEAKER_04 57:20

You know, because it and this is the crazy part. If you go to the store, you're buying meals for the week. And in my house, everybody is, you know, we both work a lot. And even though you can't, you can't, working from home should be an advantage, especially for cooking. It don't always work out that way.

SPEAKER_01 57:43

Right.

SPEAKER_04 57:43

So, and I get that. So once it gets past a certain time of day, that one of those meals that you had prepared that you bought food for for the week or whatever, it's not gonna happen. So now you gotta pivot.

SPEAKER_03 57:56

Yep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:56

So that's why it becomes like, I got all this food, but I don't have time to prepare it.

SPEAKER_03 58:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 58:03

This joke on the way home, I know he's gonna be like hungry.

SPEAKER_03 58:06

So just pick up something.

unknown 58:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 58:11

From now on, I got it. All right, you got it. Alright, so as we wrap up this episode, brothers, I appreciate y'all. Uh, I look forward to furthering the conversation uh and diving into some of these topics a little bit more. Uh let's just go around the horn. Final thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 58:30

26th is gonna be a great year. Yeah. It's gonna be a busy one, that's for sure. Oh god, yes. Yeah. We got some things coming up this year, yeah. We'll talk more about later.

SPEAKER_01 58:42

All right. Any final thoughts for the people?

SPEAKER_04 58:44

Yeah. Me bear, meat cove. That's that's it for me. That's 2026. Uh we got some graduations coming up. I don't want to uh minimize that. Yeah. Uh my middle daughter's gonna graduate this year. And I know that's not part of the podcast, but we'll talk about that. My oldest is getting married. Uh we're having she's having her first child. Mark's daughter's getting married. Uh, Uncle Shanti is dressed to dress them so eloquently. So shout out to Uncle Shanty for that.

SPEAKER_01 59:16

I gotta dress both of them for the wedding. Weddings.

SPEAKER_04 59:20

Hey, well, somebody gotta do it. Yeah, whatever. Somebody's gotta do it.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

I I'm gonna share that journey with y'all when we start down that road because that's gonna be interesting. Yeah, it is. Y'all gonna look good though. Hey, gonna look good regardless.

SPEAKER_03 59:33

It's all about that day.

SPEAKER_01 59:35

No. Anyway, all right, good people. Hey, reach out on social media, Instagram, at Hey Elk Podcast. I also tag each of our individual Instagrams out there as well. So we'll look forward to conversation and look forward to a great season too. With that, peace.