Speaker 1: 0:03

Hey, what's going on? Heyonk fam, welcome back to another episode of the Heyonk Podcast, a podcast where we dive deep into real conversations with your favorite uncles. No fluff, just straight talk about navigating this crazy thing called life. And let me tell you, today's episode is going to be a real one, as always. I'm your host, uncle Shannon, joined by my man, uncle Mark, hey hey. And Uncle Stuart, what's up?

Speaker 1: 0:30

And our guest this week is Dr Angelo Moore, who is the Executive Director at the Center of Excellence for Integrative Health, disparities and Equity Research at the North Carolina A&T State University. Hey, bro, we're talking about the best advice you ever got. You know that piece of wisdom, that golden nugget to change your game or flip your whole perspective. Maybe it came from your uncle, your mentor, or that random dude at the bus stop. Whatever it was, we want to hear it. Then we're getting real about stress, as we talked about in the last episode. Adulting ain't easy and sometimes life throws you a curveball. So we're sharing our guilty pleasures that help us unwind and keep it moving and deal with stress. So grab your favorite beverage and strap in. It's time to expand your horizons and get some real life advice, ellis.

Speaker 2: 1:29

What's up? What's going?

Speaker 3: 1:31

on what's up.

Speaker 1: 1:32

So, angelo, we're excited to have you here. Man, it's always good to see you, brother, welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 3: 1:37

Thank you, Glad to be here. Welcome brother.

Speaker 1: 1:40

So I'm going to get right into this, but we got to give you all some background on Angelo and our relationship with him. But we always ask our guests the first question what?

Speaker 3: 1:54

kind of uncle are you? I'm an uncle that I kind of sit back and I give you advice and guidance when I think you need it, but when you're ready to accept it.

Speaker 1: 2:06

Gotcha when they're ready to hear what you have to say.

Speaker 3: 2:09

Excellent Yep.

Speaker 1: 2:11

Gotcha, gotcha. So a little background for the audience. We all go back 30, 40 years, right. So me and Mark, when we were in high school, as you all know, we hung out. Our other best friend that completed our trio, whose name is Ant. Oh, excuse me, whose name is Lee Antoinette got to get it right was just as tight. It was the three of us, the three amigos. Well, when she went to college at Winstead State, she met Angelo, and there goes history. But as part of that journey, we had an adventure. Is that what we're going to call it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:59

An adventure Getting to know you.

Speaker 1: 3:03

Getting to know all about you. There you go.

Speaker 2: 3:06

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 3:07

So back in the day, and I'm going to turn it over to Angelo and let him tell his version of the story, because you all know how we get to it. So, angelo, take it away.

Speaker 3: 3:20

Well, you know we call ourselves. We was all college students going to have some fun, so we went to Six Flags in Atlanta. Ann and I was well, leanne, you know, we're going to call her Ann for now. We had been together probably the longest. We had already been dating for a while. We was engaged I believe you were Yep and we were just really having fun. I do remember that it rained on us.

Speaker 3: 3:50

Yeah, I remember us running through the parking lot trying to get out of there and we also went to go eat some dinner so we went to this restaurant I won't name Terrible. It was quite an experience. People they knew us there, but it was a great experience. We often talk about that at this moment. That was like the time where we went on a trip as a group all of us and we really developed our relationships and we had that bonding and we always talk about how that experience really counterpointed our relationships with each other.

Speaker 1: 4:27

Absolutely. Now there's a couple of key pieces of information. The head's a little left out of this. A lot of that. Number one my boy with his currently loving wife. So it all worked out. They was creeping like hell. They had no business. Don't say it out loud I'm not supposed to tell that.

Speaker 2: 4:52

It's okay.

Speaker 1: 4:53

And just so he don't feel bad, your boy was creeping too.

Speaker 4: 4:57

That's right, he was creeping and he wasn't driving, no way.

Speaker 1: 5:02

I didn't drive, she drove the whole way, that's his story.

Speaker 2: 5:08

He's sticking to it. That was the first and last time she has driven, when they went anywhere together.

Speaker 1: 5:12

I agree, even to the store.

Speaker 2: 5:14

She don't do that.

Speaker 4: 5:16

And she ain't drove nowhere even then, but that's okay.

Speaker 3: 5:18

That was with the Best Buy guy, right.

Speaker 1: 5:21

Yes, yes, she had a significant other at the time and he made the mistake of leaving her around me.

Speaker 2: 5:32

What's that Go ahead what? You saying no because we got to get to that part, though. That's part of this whole deal, though. Well, you tell your version. Well, you tell your version. My version is, and it's so ironic because it was just the four of us and our significant others which we all married them. I don't think that's been expressed, but we all married those same women. We met at the first exit in Georgia.

Speaker 1: 6:01

I do specifically remember yes, sir, didn't have cell phones back then.

Speaker 2: 6:05

No, sir, no we had to navigate a different way. We did that's right, you guys were already there and I was the last to show up. Like always, my wife and I well, not at the time my girl, my friend. That's right, my friend and I we show up and we meet and, as a matter of fact, that was the first meeting, first time they all met her and actually the first time I met.

Speaker 4: 6:33

Gina, oh, I didn't even realize that. Yeah, I had never met her before.

Speaker 2: 6:38

So that was my first meeting. First time I met you because I knew Ann and I met Tammy, but I never met Gina and I never met you, because I knew Ann and I met Tammy, but I never met Gina, never met you. So that was my first meeting with the collective. My most vivid memory is my sister's frat brother's was on the scene. They were on the scene at Six Flags.

Speaker 3: 7:01

Yep, forgot about that yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:03

And so we had to.

Speaker 4: 7:05

Some people had to walk a little faster than normal.

Speaker 2: 7:07

Had to sort of Now hold on. I'm not saying this out of fear or no doubt. Frat brothers, you know significant others, the frat brothers.

Speaker 4: 7:14

Well, we're going to say we was respecting something, expecting something.

Speaker 2: 7:17

They are, I'm assuming they are alphas. So too much Sigmas. That too. No disrespect, man, I got good friends on both, but no, I had no fear then. We was just trying to keep our business our business, so we were sort of ducking and dodging and moving faster at times than we should have just to keep the peace. That was hilarious. I do specifically and vividly remember that part.

Speaker 1: 7:42

And that happened to me and Gina multiple times. We went to a WNBA game when the Sting was still here in Charlotte and we rolled through the parking lot. Here come all these frat brothers. Wow, why.

Speaker 4: 7:56

Why are y'all?

Speaker 2: 7:56

here man. I hope he watches I know right. See you all. I hope he watches this podcast. I know right, See you, bro. Hope he watches this podcast.

Speaker 1: 8:03

That would be hilarious.

Speaker 4: 8:04

So what's your recollection? First of all, before I even get going, everybody, take a good look at these fine wise men right here. Look at them, they crazy. All right, he jealous, anyway, jealousy. So for me it's the—.

Speaker 1: 8:20

I didn't like the five.

Speaker 2: 8:20

Because, his beard can't—. Oh my bad, Not the five part From a man. Coming from another dude.

Speaker 4: 8:25

All right, my bad.

Speaker 1: 8:27

Okay, His beard can't connect and he's jealous. My beard does connect. I don't want all that stuff. Yes.

Speaker 4: 8:42

Nevertheless, for me, had it, but I just remember us buying Tangeray and thinking that was the best thing since sliced bread, Absolutely After drinking what we was drinking Seagram's. We thought that was disgusting. Made you a performer.

Speaker 2: 8:52

I don't mean a single.

Speaker 4: 8:53

That's right.

Speaker 2: 8:55

I don't mean a single. Yes, sir, oh man.

Speaker 1: 8:59

What do my?

Speaker 4: 8:59

daughters want to hear what do y'all want to hear? When we got to Atlanta and to find out how cheap it was compared to what you know, we just thought that was the best thing. So that part and that disgusting restaurant where we didn't pay, yeah, anyway, your wife now went off.

Speaker 2: 9:21

So I thought that was great, she was advocating.

Speaker 4: 9:22

That's right. She was For us Very professional at that too.

Speaker 2: 9:26

Because we received subpar service.

Speaker 1: 9:29

Well, she's always had that gift of being able to cuss you out, but you think it's the nicest thing you ever heard.

Speaker 3: 9:36

You know, she get that from her mother.

Speaker 4: 9:37

Yes, yes, she does yes.

Speaker 1: 9:40

Neighborhoods cussed me out before I didn't know. I got it. Plain language, plain language.

Speaker 3: 9:46

And you'd be like what just happened.

Speaker 4: 9:48

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 9:49

She got you too, oh yeah.

Speaker 4: 9:51

Stuart, your mother does that too. Oh yeah, I know, so I know, I have not had that reaction.

Speaker 2: 9:57

Oh, she liked to do it early in the morning. Wow, yeah, yeah. She got to get you right before you go out the door, and she always ended it with the most colorful word you know N-I-double-G, you can finish the rest.

Speaker 4: 10:13

And you know, speaking of Ed, she was that kind of person. You know, like, when we used to do our stuff, if we were bringing stuff by her, you know like, when we used to do our stuff, if we were bringing stuff by her, she's like, so that mean if you're talking to me, you probably don't need to be doing what you're doing, right?

Speaker 1: 10:30

That kind of stuff.

Speaker 4: 10:31

She was our conscience. Yeah, yes, was Is All right.

Speaker 1: 10:32

That did used to be kind of our standard. Yeah, because we do. If either one of us said listen, don't tell Ed that we was doing something there, correct, yeah, we knew we was wrong.

Speaker 4: 10:44

All right, that was the Ed moment.

Speaker 1: 10:45

Yeah, you have fun with us now, but hey, so as we get into the conversation right, one of the things we've all had, these various experiences. We've met people, angelo, in your Army career you traveled all over the world meeting all kinds of different people. So when you think about things you picked up along the way, what is some of the best advice that you've received? And whether it's life advice, career advice or just that moment in time that made you think differently about something, what's a piece of advice?

Speaker 3: 11:22

Yeah, I've got a lot of advice, but the one thing that I would say is someone told me it doesn't matter how much money you make If you don't know how to manage how money worked and make better decisions.

Speaker 1: 11:46

And there goes that decision thing. We've talked about that multiple times and the importance of those decisions that you make, kind of map out what your options are going to be going forward Absolutely. Map out what your options are going to be going forward Absolutely, you know.

Speaker 4: 12:08

So, mark, as you think about some of the best advice you've received, what comes to mind? So for me, right before marriage, some of the best advice I received was don't allow single people to tell you how to manage your marriage, because they absolutely can't relate to anything. Mind your business. Mind your business. Yes, sir, okay.

Speaker 1: 12:34

And Stu.

Speaker 2: 12:34

I think I guess because it served me so well over the course of my life. I guess because it served me so well over the course of my life, my mom always told me, son, your name is all you got. So what she was telling me is make sure you handle your business by paying your bills and being responsible to be able to go out and make purchases at some point in the future, Whether it was, you know, getting approved for an apartment or buying a car, or buying a house. You know, because the first time I ever bought a car, I wasn't expecting to buy one, I didn't have any money, but my name was good. So I was able to walk into a dealership and make a purchase without a down payment and I walked out with keys to a brand new car. So that basically legitimized in my mind what she meant when she told me your name is important.

Speaker 3: 13:35

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 13:35

Absolutely yeah. And for me. I think back and it wasn't necessarily life advice, but it was a wow moment for me. And I was with my granddad I've talked about Hoss on here before and he had given a guy some money homeless guy that used to work for him, whatever, alcoholic, clearly drug addict, all of that. I said why are you giving him money? You know he's just going to go snort it up or drink it up. He was like you are not kind to people. To help them it's to help yourself.

Speaker 1: 14:18

It's about how you feel and how you want to be, as a human being, right and that really was an opening moment for me because it carries over to everything else. It doesn't matter what other people do, it matters what you do and how you present to the world. So that was really a wow moment for me. So what's? Some of the other things that you've picked up along the way that have kind of helped you or guided you or got you through situations?

Speaker 3: 14:52

I would say it's always good to have wise people around you, and the statement that I hear people say is make sure you look at the fruit of the tree. So it's very difficult for somebody to tell you how to do something that they've never done. So look at the fruit of the tree. You know, don't get advice from everybody, right? Yeah?

Speaker 1: 15:18

Your pothead friend is not wise Absolutely Just because he can say some words together while he high.

Speaker 2: 15:25

Yeah, I was going to say now, while he's high, you got to really give him some credence while he's high, except for that subconscious space. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it doesn't always translate it dwells alongside of that Holy Spirit. It's not the Holy Spirit, I'm not saying that, but dwells alongside of that Holy Spirit.

Speaker 1: 15:42

It's not the Holy Spirit. I'm not saying that.

Speaker 2: 15:43

But you know, there's just somewhere along in that realm where you got one side and then you got the other side, and that's what gets you.

Speaker 1: 15:48

They draw from the other side Because every once in a while they will say something no, do not listen to your partner.

Speaker 4: 15:58

That's the best. He's smart.

Speaker 1: 16:00

Who knows, your boy might be looking at the dishwasher wondering why it's making music.

Speaker 4: 16:05

See, you don't know what's going on in his mind. We got to go there, all right. Okay, it's another episode for another time. People have different experiences, that's right. They'll never experience it again.

Speaker 3: 16:19

So you say, like a piece of advice, if you are on the grill and you finish cooking, make sure the coals are cold before you turn it over. Yeah, because it might start a fire. That's right.

Speaker 4: 16:34

That's exactly right, Angelo.

Speaker 1: 16:35

Great advice Do not dump hot coals in the weeds, that's right. Not a good thing? Not a good thing at all.

Speaker 2: 16:44

I think y'all just stole my question. That was it.

Speaker 3: 16:49

What was your?

Speaker 2: 16:49

question Do you dump hot coals?

Speaker 1: 16:55

in the weeds. So the answer to that is no, absolutely not Because, if you do, the fire department will come.

Speaker 4: 17:02

The park tells us what's going to happen? The fire department is going to come, I guess. I mean I would imagine so Weeds, you know, especially if it's dry weeds they're going to mention it. Exactly.

Speaker 2: 17:14

I know.

Speaker 4: 17:15

Again the wise men here. I tell you, they got it all for you, don't they? Good?

Speaker 2: 17:21

job. We're looking to you for the answer. I know You're looking for me to answer.

Speaker 4: 17:26

Oh my gosh, you seem to have a lot of experience in that I don't have a lot of experience in that. I have a experience in that, not a lot.

Speaker 3: 17:32

That's a lot of what we have Absolutely not.

Speaker 4: 17:34

You all were there, so you experienced it as well, we, but we did not participate.

Speaker 1: 17:38

That's the key to that story?

Speaker 4: 17:43

Nobody. There was no lives lost. There was no nothing. What it did was it just made the ground get a little. That grass was amazing after all that took place.

Speaker 1: 17:54

Yeah, because we got that fertilizer, we got all that fertilizer.

Speaker 4: 17:56

So that's what I was there for at that time. Y'all All right, moving on. All right, all right, all right, we're going to leave you alone. That was a little moment, all right, trying to get things done. We had an Uno game to get to and I was trying to do some other things you trying to chase behind Tammy.

Speaker 1: 18:14

I get it no.

Speaker 4: 18:16

It was either a spades or Uno, something we was trying to do. All I get it. It was either a spade zone or something we was trying to do Anyway.

Speaker 1: 18:21

All right. So you know, as we go through lives and you have relationships and building relationships with people, how do you approach who you listen to and who you're willing to take advice from. You touched on it a little bit with making sure they actually live by that advice.

Speaker 3: 18:44

But how do you filter out the noise? Well, I think for me it's consistency, and not necessarily what they say, but what they're actually doing, because a person's actions are going to tell you a whole lot more than what they ever say. So always watch people what they're doing, because sometimes they may say something that there's a lot of what they're doing, so for me it lacks credibility.

Speaker 1: 19:11

Yeah, and you know where I see that the most is all of these people on Instagram with these get rich quick schemes, and I can show you how to start investing in commercial property and you'll make a million dollars a month, right? Well, if you were making a million dollars a month, you wouldn't be on Instagram. Absolutely Right, probably not. But yeah, those people have zero credibility and they may have done a deal at some point in their lives and made a little bit of money, and now they're going to turn it around and sell it to you and now everybody's going to be rich. Well, if it was that easy, everybody would be rich. Excellent.

Speaker 2: 19:55

So I do have a question, though, because I don't want this to be left out, because I know we mentioned that our brother, angelo, is a doctor. Do we specify what type of doctor?

Speaker 3: 20:09

Angelo, I am my trainer. I'm a nurse, but I have my PhD in research, so I use the title doctor. Okay, well, you don't use it, you earned it.

Speaker 2: 20:19

You earned it. I earned the title doctor. Okay, well, you don't use it. You earned it. You earned it. I earned it, yeah.

Speaker 3: 20:22

And there's times where I'm in places where I go over my first name. Then there's places where I make people use my title. What's the difference? The difference is, you know, you may be in a group of people because I'm an African-American male. They want to minimize what I've done. Okay, so I make sure that they recognize the accomplishments that I've made, and so sometimes you have to show people how to treat you. You know, we don't use a title. I just want to call you Angel. No, that means that we're just alike. No, we're not alike Because I did something more than what you did. That means that we're just alike. No, we're not alike Because I did something more than what you did. Not that I'm better than you, but don't give somebody else a title and don't give me the title. And as minorities, we steadily fight that battle in academia, trying to make sure that people respect who we are and what we've done and what we've accomplished.

Speaker 4: 21:21

Do you, do you find that to be something you dealt with more in the military versus now?

Speaker 3: 21:26

Now, not in the military. The military, everybody used the titles Okay. But on the outside you have people that want to minimize. They want to use first names because if we haven't accomplished the same thing, if we got our first names, we equal Got you. And there are also times where I would say you know, just call me Angelo. No, when it's my people, they'll say no, I'm going to call you by your title because I'm proud of what you've accomplished and I don't want you to ever minimize yourself. Got you.

Speaker 1: 21:57

Yeah, you will see that definitely in corporate America to you, absolutely, when you go into these leadership meetings and things like that. There are times when people try and get real familiar. Yeah, so do you find that through your career right? You've been in management and leadership roles.

Speaker 2: 22:19

Oh yeah, absolutely. I've been dismissed as the person in charge a lot of times because I don't want my associates that I outrank. I'm going to say it that way, just based on the hierarchy or the setup of said business. If they don't look like me, then you know, if there's an issue that people are automatically drawn to the person that don't look like me.

Speaker 3: 22:50

Like you don't qualify to be in the business.

Speaker 2: 22:52

Yeah, or he don't look like he can handle my situation, and then when it turns out that you have to deal with me and for me, I don't, I don't do it any different. I'm going to be consistent in what I do, but you know, at least I know that I'm representing a culture at that point and so I have to present well articulate, to make sure that they know that I know what I'm talking about, right, and I can effectively convey this message.

Speaker 4: 23:28

Yes, Definitely dealt with that as well. So exactly the same way you got to make sure they know what, for me personally, my position needed to make sure that that person of you know other Caucasians sorry if I'm saying it that way you know wanted to make me lesser than what I was, and you know you have to remind them. And it's nice when you had good people on your side who was that way and would refer to me. You know you need to talk to him first, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:05

And I remember an episode exactly like that when I worked for a large beer company I won't say their name because they're not paying us but so I was the project lead putting in a new brew house control system. We go to the plant for the first time, go to the brewery for the first time. One of the brew masters comes in and introduces herself to the two guys that were working for me and didn't introduce herself to me and I'm running the project and you know I could have flew off the handle and all of that, but in those situations you do that sometimes the reaction is worse than action, right, so you know, and the way I dealt with it, I just stood up and started talking and ignored her completely right until she figured out who the HNIC was. That's right, right, absolutely. Which was me. So, yeah, deal with that a lot throughout my career.

Speaker 2: 25:11

But okay, it's that time in the podcast where we switch over to Stu's question of the week what you got for us, bro, to Stu's question of the week what you got for us, bro, if you guys are so brave enough to admit and I'm not saying this to be diminishing by no stretch of the imagination, but to be realistic we all have this thought, whether it's right or wrong, but can you recall the one that got away In your best estimation? I mean and again, it's not to be diminishing by no such an imagination, but I think everybody, men and women, can say that they've seen or experienced one, or thought of one, enough to say that one got away.

Speaker 4: 26:03

Yeah, yeah, the answer is yes. Have I thought about it? Yes, I'll let you expound.

Speaker 1: 26:10

I mean See, I'm not going to call any names.

Speaker 2: 26:14

Oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 1: 26:16

So and I'll go all the way back I had one of the top three, I would say finest women. I would expand it to Winston, but I'm just going to say at West Forsyth, okay.

Speaker 4: 26:33

Okay, that's fair. You know who I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 26:35

I do, yes, sir. So one of the top three finest at West Forsyth. Then I went into the Navy. She went to Wake Forest. We hooked up a couple of times, you know in between, but yeah, that was the one that got away, because I never got a hold on like I wanted to. Gotcha, yeah, ain't nobody else going to step up? Come on now.

Speaker 3: 26:58

Well, I would say I can't say that there was one that got away. I think at the time of my level of maturity I thought that they got away, but as I got older I realized I'm much more wiser. You can't just go on looks, no doubt. Yeah, because you can look great, you can be fine, but you could be taught on the inside, and so I've learned over the years that you know I'm who I'm, I'm, I'm with who I'm supposed to be with. Yeah, and I didn't lose anything because you know, we young, we're not focused on the right things.

Speaker 1: 27:37

Oh, and I absolutely was not.

Speaker 2: 27:39

Yeah, I mean, that's 100% valid and I agree with it. But you know, it's still one of those locker room conversations. I'm going to say yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:52

It has no diminishing return in terms of you're not diminishing your current relationship by no stretch, your current relationship by no stretch because, to your point, that was in a phase or a period where we had no values. To be honest, so I guess so, and to say what I'm going to say is I never even hooked up with the one I thought that got away because I was so busy chasing and she was so busy running. I don't know what the experience would have been like, but I just say it got away because I never had the opportunity.

Speaker 1: 28:27

Yep.

Speaker 2: 28:29

Never had the opportunity.

Speaker 4: 28:32

So, yeah, I can actually say for me yeah, I think I ended up with the one right, but hold on. Your question was let's do it the right way. I was about to say that, yes, I'm about to start counting.

Speaker 1: 28:47

I do have a few that shit.

Speaker 4: 28:50

It's like man, so it's funny. I actually reconnected with one recently. What Just conversation? How you doing, you know, I ain't seen him in a long time, so forth, and I'll tell you what. Whew, I'm glad it went left, because I had a lot of problems, dude, a lot of problems. But to your point, going off of the looks, what I thought was going to be it, it's like, oh my God, they ended up crazy. Oh no doubt, we all married up.

Speaker 2: 29:26

I'm saying that right off the bat and that's not to again.

Speaker 1: 29:30

I can't stress enough. You ain't diminishing that, You're not.

Speaker 2: 29:33

It's a locker room conversation because, we say that it's just stuff we talk about sometimes it's not like we're so stoic to where I'm married, that's right.

Speaker 4: 29:42

That's. It's not like we so stoic to where I'm married, I can't have a thought outside.

Speaker 2: 29:45

That's not even realistic.

Speaker 3: 29:46

No, so it's our six flag space. We ain't dope I ain't know.

Speaker 2: 29:51

I mean, I wasn't, you know, we was having fun, exactly, and they're right, we had a whole lot of fun being at them days.

Speaker 4: 29:59

A whole lot of fun being at them days.

Speaker 2: 30:01

Do y'all remember going back to that trip? Y'all remember going to a cookout at my aunt's house? Yes sir, I don't remember that, Y'all don't. Yeah, we did the Sunday before the Sunday before we left.

Speaker 1: 30:13

Before we left See barbecue for us yeah, man, that whole thing that was a blur.

Speaker 4: 30:20

Because I've never said it. Remember, Angelo, we didn't eat. Remember, we was already complaining because we didn't eat. Oh, that's right.

Speaker 2: 30:29

Called Auntie up and she hooked us up. Just to know how good we had it. That's right, and we actually, you know, first episode we talked about trying to get Mark to go back. Yeah, you know this time we was trying to do single life, because we would have been single for the rest of our life.

Speaker 4: 30:52

Yeah, because you would have been the only one married man. Angela, you'd have been the only one.

Speaker 1: 30:56

We had to take that trip.

Speaker 4: 30:58

Not that time. Yeah, you were married when we was getting ready. Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 31:04

Well, we could have never seen you again, because then we had to deal with Ed.

Speaker 3: 31:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4: 31:08

That's a good point. Yeah, yeah, because we wouldn't have seen Ed, we weren't going to bring you. I didn't need this.

Speaker 3: 31:13

Thank you for looking out for me, brother, hey, but you know we always go back to that photo we took. Yes.

Speaker 4: 31:20

We got back.

Speaker 3: 31:21

Yeah, you know, it's like it's a staple in my mind. All of us got back, you know. You know we laugh at it now because I look at what we was wearing hairstyles. Oh yes, we recreated that photo a few years later.

Speaker 4: 31:36

We did, we did, yeah. So for me, that photo I used used to, when Tam and I used to do like couple stuff with people and they were thinking about your marriage, I would always bring that photo out because I would always express to them how important it was to have solid friends around you, and I would show them what we were and how we were and the fact that we were all still together to this day. You know what I mean, right? So that was pretty powerful, yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:04

Yeah, in that picture, and you showed them us, I did. You showed them your friends, I did. But the—.

Speaker 4: 32:12

Well, you put it that way. What was I thinking, right? I don't know, bro, that was— we was trying to take you down the opposite way, right?

Speaker 3: 32:23

Well, they got the point and they loved it. But that just shows you that we all go through things in life, right? Yeah, life happens. Yeah absolutely, you know. But having those bonds and being there for each other is what get us through. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 32:36

So, as we think about that right and those tough times in life and getting through, you know I did want us to talk a little bit about we all have different stresses in life. Right, it could be your job, it could be your family, it could be your mom, whatever it is, but you have to have ways of managing through that stress, because if not stress will kill you.

Speaker 1: 33:00

Yes, it sure. As a gunshot or a heart attack. Stress will kill you. So, to take a little bit of a spin on it, instead of just talking about different ways, what are those guilty pleasures that you have that help you de-stress? And you know, I'm taking porn off the table right now because my baby going to listen to this and we don't do that.

Speaker 4: 33:25

So I bet you took you off the table. That's right, that's off the table.

Speaker 1: 33:28

Yeah, that's off the table. So, but what are those things, that kind of mechanisms that you use those guilty pleasures to?

Speaker 4: 33:36

help you de-stress. So for me it's that, golf course Got to have it. How does that de-stress you? It just does, man, it's the best feeling I'd be mad as hell.

Speaker 4: 33:44

I understand, but it's the best feeling in the world. I'm with my boy. I ain't thinking about nothing but that daggone ball, you know. All the other stuff is out the door, you know. And when I can't do that, I found the gym is really, really working for me in terms of that elliptical. It kicks my butt, but I tell you what. It's just something for me to do. I just zone out you know Okay.

Speaker 2: 34:09

Man, I call my boy down in Atlanta and have him send me this big old bag of weed.

Speaker 1: 34:21

In the mail yes they do.

Speaker 2: 34:26

You got a weed farm anyway. It's really just being able to iso with the boys having a drink, cigar and just unwinding man, cause you know to your point, it's work, it's family, and sometimes you just don't want any of your titles. You don't want husband, you don't want father, you just don't want any of them. So you just want to be yeah, and I think that's the only way that you can let all that go in those few moments is just not to be, just be you, be in the moment, have whatever conversations you guys are going to have, they're not all the same. They can be political, they can be about relationships, they can be about sexual, they can go in any direction and the beauty of it is it just stay right there. Stay right there, yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:28

So yeah, that is brilliant Because I think that makes it makes all that little stuff that's built up all week. It acts as that pressure valve.

Speaker 2: 35:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:41

And just let that pressure out.

Speaker 3: 35:43

So for me, how I control my stress is I exercise, specifically running. So I normally get up early in the morning, 5, 30, 6 o'clock and I run. In my neighborhood it's just me, the deer rabbits, a couple people walking their dogs. The more stress I have, the longer I run, but it clears my mind. We talk about guilty pleasures, but it's actually a positive because it helps me maintain my health at the same time. But you have to be careful because you can overdo it. Yeah, but that's my way of getting away because everybody's sleep pretty much is just me and nature Got you yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:31

Got you and for me, I'm definitely going to go in a different direction, because y'all exercising and being healthy and all that.

Speaker 2: 36:40

Well, that's not what I said. I know I get it.

Speaker 1: 36:44

I got to get in the kitchen. Cooking for me does it. It's the routine of it, it's the you know you got to do things in a certain order. You can experiment, you can play around. Getting in the kitchen and cooking for me same with you, and running I block out the whole world. You know, gina and I will be in the kitchen and cooking for me same with you, and running I block out the whole world. You know, gina and I will be in the house. They're trying to have a whole conversation with me.

Speaker 1: 37:09

I ain't heard nothing, right, because I'm in my zone, you know I get in there and it doesn't matter what I'm cooking. I can be boiling an egg, it doesn't matter, but there are steps to doing that, that and that order makes sense to me and it calms my brain down. And I would say the other thing and I don't know that people look at it this way because they feel like driving is a chore but just getting in the car and rolling man, you could block out everything. And I don't care if you listen to music, don't listen to music, whatever but getting in that car and just get on the road, it helps a lot with blocking out all that noise.

Speaker 4: 37:58

Atlanta would have did that for you, bro.

Speaker 2: 38:01

I'm just saying Nah, you know what that statement that I keep referring to is irritating to certain populace, so I'm going to quit saying that.

Speaker 3: 38:14

But you know, what we talked about actually is safe ways of reducing stress. Because, there are unsafe ways what people do to reducing stress. Because there are unsafe ways what people do to reduce stress. Well, they think it reduces stress. It actually adds more stress to them.

Speaker 3: 38:28

Some people go to, they drink more, which leads to other things. So everybody has stress. There's different levels of stress. The important thing is to be able to control your stress in a positive way, of finding ways to decrease that stress, Because stress will kill you. It wears down your body over the years and we're all in relationships and I wonder if we know what our wives when we know they're stressed out. What do they do?

Speaker 1: 39:03

Yeah, I can tell you mine With Gina. When she is stressed out, she doesn't want to talk to anybody, she just wants to shut down and she'll crawl up in that corner of the couch and won't move.

Speaker 4: 39:19

And that's how she deals with it. Tammy used to crochet and read yeah, crochet.

Speaker 3: 39:26

And read yeah and sews. She'd get in that room and she'd just sew, sew, sew until 3 o'clock in the morning, all kinds of stuff hey you have to find a way for it.

Speaker 2: 39:40

That's interesting because I think my wife sleeps.

Speaker 3: 39:45

That's a way of shutting her down.

Speaker 2: 39:47

Yeah, because she'll go to the room, shut it down no lights, no TV, nothing and she'll lay there, she'll deal with whatever she can deal with mentally until she can't no more, and then she sleeps.

Speaker 1: 40:00

Now see that for me, my mind would be so all over the place. It would be like staring into the abyss, yeah.

Speaker 4: 40:09

I understand.

Speaker 2: 40:11

That happens to me when my sleep is broken. If I break sleep and then thoughts enter, I can't get that back. But before I can do that, mental gymnastics enough to make myself go to sleep, because now I'm just tired of thinking about it. Yeah, but if I break sleep and do it, it's a wrap, I am just up.

Speaker 1: 40:34

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 40:34

Can't get that back, but I think it's great that we know when our significant other is stressed out, because if you don't know, you don't know how to help the person, yeah, or how to evaluate yourself to see if you're contributing to that stress. Yeah, I still don't know.

Speaker 1: 40:53

You know and I heard a TED talk and a lady was talking about this and the way her and her husband handle it is they communicate in percentages. So she gave the example. She'll come home and there'll be some situation that they need to deal with and she'll be like look, I got 40% left in the tank, right, yeah, that's all I got.

Speaker 4: 41:18

Yeah, so hopefully you got the 60 to pick it up. Yeah, the 60,.

Speaker 1: 41:22

Yeah, right, and that's how I got so hopefully you got the 60 to pick it up, and that's how they communicate, so they found a way to tell each other, you know when I need you to pick up the slack instead of you trying to figure out if something's wrong. That's a good idea.

Speaker 2: 41:35

That's pretty good. Yeah, I mean because it does get rid of that wandering. I mean because it does get rid of that wandering. Well, you went on this because usually you more, you got more, but you know, sometimes you just don't have it, yeah, and sometimes this just might not be the day to talk about it, that's a good point.

Speaker 1: 41:54

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 41:56

You can leave things for another day. Can we push this off until tomorrow, because I just don't have capacity today and you have to respect that.

Speaker 3: 42:03

Yeah, we're in the process of trying to push somebody to talk about something they're not ready to talk about.

Speaker 2: 42:07

But then it's a whole other issue. Yeah, because then you say something that you regret. Yes, sir.

Speaker 4: 42:12

That took me a long time to figure out. I'd be pushing, pushing, pushing. I used to be like man, can we? Because I don't like to let stuff linger, that drives me nuts. But once I figured out, you know, I got to just be prepared for a day or two to have the same conversation again. You know, once I figured that out, Everything was cool. So it takes a long time to figure out some time for people. Oh yeah, Absolutely, you know. But oh, go ahead. I was just going to say you know, not well, sort of trying to transition, and when you talk about the stress and so forth, Angela, can you kind of like talk about black men, like the importance of going to the doctor, you know for us, Because I think that's something that we rarely do, you know, I don't know what our phobia is, but we do.

Speaker 3: 43:01

Well, I wouldn't say what our phobia is, but we do Well. I wouldn't say it's a phobia, it's social expectations. So give an example you have a five-year-old little girl riding a bike. She falls off. What happens? Everybody go to her. She's crying A little scar. She acts like she's going to bleed to death, but we coddle her right. You get a five-year-old boy that's riding a bike. What happens? Get up. He falls off. Get up, suck it up, don't cry. So you hold everything in.

Speaker 3: 43:33

So this is a behavior that we've been taught all these years to be strong, don't show weakness. And for a lot of men, going to get health care is going for help. But if I back it up a little bit, we take males and females. They're very different Females. When they're 18, 19, they become sexually active. They start having their well-women exams, they start having their Wilberman exams, they get pregnant. They get pregnant right. They go into the OB doctor, they deliver their baby, they take the baby to the pediatrician, they take the kids for their appointments and it kind of starts over. So they have years of years of experience in the health care system.

Speaker 3: 44:24

You take men. Unless you're in sports at 21, there's no one to tell you you need to go and see anybody, so they don't have that experience with the health care system. So you got the pride and not feeling weak and now you got to go to this system. That is really foreign to you. It's hard because I'm going for help and so for men, I tell men we have to take care of our bodies so we don't leave our family in distress, because a lot of times you have to drag us there, but when you're being drugged there, you have problems. That's been going on for a long time and so it's much harder to get you to where you need to be. So this is years on top of years on top of years of being this way. So there's some men that won't even go to a doctor's appointment without a significant other.

Speaker 1: 45:17

Wow, Just because they don't know what to expect.

Speaker 3: 45:20

But you also look at, I'm too busy. I got to work. Why would I take all this time off of work to go see somebody to tell me to show up 30 minutes early? I have to wait 30 minutes and they only spend five minutes with me and they tell me nothing new when I got there. So it's just a waste of my time. Why am I going there?

Speaker 1: 45:42

And I will admit that's me. Why am I here? I'm fine, there's nothing wrong, and I just spent an hour and a half, two hours of my life for you to tell me yep, you're good, see you in a year.

Speaker 3: 45:56

But you know it's good for somebody to tell you that you're okay. Yeah, A lot of people. They don't go because they're fearful. Somebody's going to tell them that something is not okay. So then I have to face it. So I tell people, whether you go there or not, if something's going on with you, it's still going to be there. It's going to get worse over time.

Speaker 4: 46:15

You've got to face it at some point.

Speaker 3: 46:17

Absolutely so. We need to be more proactive in these behaviors. I tell people we have our cars, we take them for oil change and tune ups. Why?

Speaker 4: 46:30

can't we do our bodies? That way Makes sense. So what I and what I hear too from that is you know, as men, particularly black men, we need to consider not just us, we need to consider those around us who we're impacting. So that's good stuff there.

Speaker 3: 46:46

Because I tell men, don't do it for you, do it for your wife, do it for your kids, because don't you want them to be around, don't you want to be around for them. And a lot of times they'll make a decision to do something they really want to do because they think about somebody else, not themselves.

Speaker 1: 47:02

They'll make a decision to do something they really want to do, because they think about somebody else, not themselves. Back to your point. Our role is to take care of everybody, not necessarily to take care of ourselves. Yeah, yeah, all right. Well, at this time in the podcast we're going to turn it over to Uncle Mark. I know he has Uncle Mark's philosophy that is near and dear to his heart today.

Speaker 4: 47:24

So go ahead, mark, all right, okay, so today is more of a yeah, it is a philosophy and it's more of a pet peeve for me and it's for those out there. We talked about it a little briefly here. It's called money management. Okay, we talked about it a little briefly here. It's called money management.

Speaker 4: 47:44

Okay, in my job, I tend to talk to people who are having some issues from time to time and they're questioning how we do business. Sometimes they're making payments on things and they don't understand why it's taking so long for the money to be pulled from their account. Sometimes. Well, part of the problem is and their response to me is well, it's your fault because you didn't take the money first. Okay, let's process what I just said.

Speaker 4: 48:14

How stupid is that? And you can't spend money you don't have. You know you got bills to pay. You make $1,000 and you got $1,200 worth of bills. Then you don't have no money. So it's just about money management. It's like you know when you go to work every day, you work 40 hours and you get a daggone. Check for 30 hours, what you going to go, what you going to do, check for 30 hours, what you gonna go, what you gonna do. You want your money, right? Okay, that's all. That's just what I've been dealing with, and I'm just finding out there's quite a few people who don't seem to understand. You can't spend what you don't have, or you can't yeah, that's it, and the problems that that causes you down the line.

Speaker 4: 49:01

Yes, yes, right, all kinds of fees and everything else and so forth.

Speaker 1: 49:07

Good, what'd your mama say?

Speaker 4: 49:09

What'd she say? Great talk, russ. I'm just saying it's just terrible. We got to do better people.

Speaker 3: 49:15

Yeah, and you know that's something that we really have to spend more time is to teach people how money works. You know credit. You need to have credit. How do you get credit? How do you maintain good credit? How to be responsible and accountable. You know how to invest, and that's one of the things that I think about is, I wish that I always say hindsight is 20-20, but if I had learned very early on how money works and I thought about my legacy at an early age, I would have made some different choices. But at that age, just think about right now. But being able to understand money how it works, that's going to get you a long way in life.

Speaker 1: 50:04

Absolutely, absolutely so, brothers, I appreciate y'all. Angelo, thanks for coming, thanks for talking to us.

Speaker 3: 50:14

Thanks for having me here.

Speaker 1: 50:16

You know this has been a great conversation. Everybody reach out to us online. Give us your thoughts. What's the best advice that you all have received and tell me who you received it from right. So please engage with us on Instagram, at HeyHunkPodcast Also. We're on Facebook and on YouTube as well. At HeyHunkPodcast. Leave us your thoughts, let us know what you think. Think if there are other topics or twists on the conversations you want to bring up. We'll be sure to engage with you on our social media platforms. So again, angelo, thank you for coming. Um, I'm just going to leave you with a parting question. You know, I know you were a ram coming up w WSSU, right Ramblin'. Now you have crossed over to the Superior School and become an Aggie. How has the transition been?

Speaker 3: 51:09

I learned to say Aggie pride, aggie pride. But you know HBCUs, you know we all family. That's right. That's right At the end of the day. At the end of the day, we, all family, I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 2: 51:24

I don't feel that way. Where'd you go to school at? This is you.

Speaker 4: 51:27

That's right. Johnson C Smith Smith, that's right.

Speaker 3: 51:30

Dh, they hate me on this On HBCU Press here.

Speaker 1: 51:37

That's right. Yeah, I love the golden rules.

Speaker 2: 51:39

You're my best friend's golden rule and on that note you going to do a cut.

Speaker 1: 51:46

I'm going to do a cut and, on that note, thank you for joining us. We'll see you on the next episode. Peace, peace, peace, thank you.